Mario and Luigi Stupidstar Saga
by Lord Drash
Summary: A spoof of Mario and Luigi, including the Mario Haters Anonymous and various other thingies! COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

Mario and Luigi Stupidstar Saga Part One: Introduction

_**(Disclaimer: Just in case you were wondering…I do not own Mario or anything else in this story…except for the ideas…those are mine. Mostly)**_

It is a fine day in the Mushroom kingdom. Everyone was very excited about the Beanbean ambassador arriving to improve ties between both kingdoms. In Princess Peach's castle six trumpet playing Toads greet the ambassador.

Toad 1: (whispering) Hey, how long do we have to play these trumpets?

Toad 2: (whispering back) I don't really care because there is a tape recorder in mine.

Toad 3: Quiet, all of you-

All the Toads stop playing their trumpets.

Toad 3: No! Stop talking, not stop playing!

The Beanbean ambassador stops in front of Peach's throne.

Beanbean ambassador: I wish to improve the ties between our kingdoms.

Princess Peach: What will you get me?

Beanbean ambassador: Um, I have a present.

Peach: How big is it?

The Beanbean ambassador holds up a medium sized present.

Peach: Thirty more like that and I'll think about it.

Beanbean ambassador: Well open and see if you like it.

A little man carries the present to Peach. She opens it and a jack-in-the-box shoots out and sprays gas in her face. The ambassador becomes the evil witch Cackletta and the little man becomes her vile subordinate Fawful!

Cackletta: Eeyah ha ha!

Fawful: Come we must make our escape of speediness! Headgear!

Fawful uses his headgear to suck up the gas. Cackletta shoots lightning bolts all over the place.

Fawful: AAAAAHHHH! Electricity of hurts!

Cackletta: Whoops!

They escape, Cackletta in her rocket chair, Fawful with his headgear. Princess Peach falls unconscious. A Toad runs out to get Mario.

Toad: Yes! I finally get to meet Mario!

He runs past Luigi, knocking him over and goes into the house.

Toad: Wow! Mario's house! I better have something to prove I was here.

He starts taking things, like pictures of Peach and Mario's overalls, when Mario comes out of the shower with only a towel on.

Toad: Yay! This is just my day!

Luigi walks in.

Luigi: Hey what's all the fuss about…?

He sees Mario in his towel.

Luigi: AAAAHHHH! My eyes!

Mario: It's-a me-a Mario!

He jumps in the closet, changes his clothes in about three seconds and then jumps out.

Toad: P-P-P-Princess P-P-Peach! (Wow I'm meeting Mario!)

Mario: Let's-a go!

Luigi: It's probably Bowser again.

They run off to Peach's castle and lo and behold there's Bowser over a crying Peach. Luigi can't stop and impales himself on Bowser's spikes.

Bowser: Hey! What's going on?

Mario: Hi-yaa!

They get into a fight.

Mario: 10 hp 2 attack Bowser: 10 hp 1 attack

Mario goes first: Hi-yaa! Bowser: 8 hp, Err, Flame breath!

Mario: Dodge! Jump! Bowser: 6hp, Ack, Flame breath!

Mario: Hit! 9hp, Jump!Bowser: 4 hp, Grr, Flame breath!

Mario: Dodge! Jump!Toad: Stoooopp!

Mario and Bowser stop fighting.

Toad: Mario, have you forgotten your action commands already?

Mario: Hi-yaa!

Toad: AAAAHHH!

Mario launches the Toad at Bowser.

Bowser: 0 hp. Oh no! Err, um, even though I would have won let's not fight.

Mario: I'm the winner!

Luigi: Ouch.

Bowser: See, I didn't do anything this time.

Another Toad walks over.

Toad: Okay this witch-

Luigi: That's not nice.

Toad: No, she literally was a witch, stole Peach's voice and-

Luigi: Woohoo! Now I don't have to listen to her anymore!

Peach!#$&&&(($$())(&&&&()(!#$&!

All the pictures fall down and explode.

Toad: And replaced it with explosives.

Bowser: See Mario, I need your help. As soon as we get her voice back I'm going to kidnap her! Gwa ha ha!

Luigi: Why are you telling us this?

Bowser: …Because! Mario meet me at my Koopa Kruiser!

Bowser leaves. Mario and Luigi leave.

Luigi: I'll see you off at the Kruiser.

Mario explores the courtyard.

Toad: Hey Mario, want to learn about items?

Mario pulls off the Toads mushroom hat, thingy.

Toad: AAHHH! What's wrong with you!

Mario gets a Mushroom! Another Toad goes to Mario.

Toad: Hey Mario, can you get my secret item?

Mario soon finds a picture of a girl Toad, with his foot.

Toad: Oh no! I paid 500 hundred coins to have that picture taken! Waahh!

The Toad runs off crying.

Mario sees a koopa and jumps over to him.

Koopa: Hey, yo man, where's Bowser?

Mario points at a wall.

Koopa: Thanks for the help!

The koopa runs into the wall and is knocked out. Mario then spots Luigi.

Luigi: Hurry up Mario, Bowser's over here.

Luigi points forward. Mario runs past and Luigi follows. Toadsworth, riding a suitcase, pops up from behind them.

Toadsworth: Hey wait! Take this suitcase and a hundred coins!

Luigi: Why?

Toadsworth: Because Mario is famous!

Luigi: So?

Toadsworth: I have nothing to give you!

Luigi: I don't want anything from you.

Toadsworth: You're not special!

Toadsworth runs off.

Luigi: Psycho.

Mario spots the Koopa Kruiser and jumps on.

Bowser: Yes! Prepare for takeoff! Wait, where are my baddies?

Bowser looks around and sees Luigi.

Mario: It's-a him-a Luigi!

Bowser: What? You want to take him with? Why?

Luigi: (whispering to himself) Finally Mario's leaving! Now I can spend some quality time with Daisy.

Bowser: Yo Greenie! Get over here! Mario wants you to come with!

Luigi: What! I am not going on an adventure with my brother! See ya!

He attempts to escape but Mario jumps off the craft, picks Luigi up, jumps back on the Kruiser and ties Luigi to the mast.

Luigi: This is not a good start.

Bowser's Baddies come in carrying an unconscious Koopa.

Goomba: Sorry we're late but Fred ran into another wall.

Bowser: Grrr. I'm deducting his paycheck! Now get on!

The Koopa Kruiser takes off. When they get in the air Bowser unties Luigi

Bowser: This trip is going to take awhile. Why don't you make yourself useful down below decks?

Mario: Let's-a go!

Luigi: Every moment I spend with my brother is a moment of torture.

Mario and Luigi head below deck. They see several Koopas.

Club leader: All right today is the first meeting of the got beat up by Mario club. Who hasn't been beaten up by Mario?

A Koopa raises his hand.

Club leader: Well no better day than today.

The club members throw the Koopa at Mario. Mario jumps on him, than smashes his shell against the wall and then shoves him in a barrel. They then continue exploring. Soon they find a photographer.

Photographer: Um, do you want your picture taken?

Mario: Woohoo!

He than drags Luigi behind him.

Photographer: Um, Mario you're first. Say Goomba!

Mario Where?

Mario looks wildly around while his picture is taken.

Photographer: Okay Luigi, your turn.

Luigi: Make it quick.

Mario: Goomba!

Mario jumps on Luigi as his picture is taken.

Luigi: Two things Mario: First, I'm not a Goomba and Second, Ow.

Koopa: Hey could you help with my Goomba problem?

Luigi: Not now.

Bowser: Hey you lazy plumbers, get up here!

They get up there.

Bowser: I think we found what we were looking for.

The Bros. turn to see Cackletta and Fawful!

Cackletta: Eeyah ha ha! Fawful destroy them!

Cackletta than flees in her chair.

Fawful: Fink rats! I have fury! I- owie!

Bowser blasted Fawful with his flame breath.

Fawful: I have pain of hurts!

Fawful blasts the Koopa Kruiser with his blast thingies. No effect!

Bowser: Gwa ha ha! This ship is super sturdy!

Bowser than slams his foot down. The Koopa Kruiser explodes. Everyone on it goes flying.

Fawful: Eeyah ha ha! I have completed my mission of easiness!

Fawful than flies off to join his mistress.

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

Mario and Luigi Stupidstar Saga Part Two: Stardust Fields

Luigi lands in Stardust fields. He brushes himself off and looks for Mario. He sees him stuck in the ground.

Luigi: I'm just going to pretend that I didn't see him and-

Mario: Woo-hoo!

Mario back flips out of the ground.

Luigi: Darn! I was so close!

Mario and Luigi start walking and they see several koopas lying on the ground.

Koopa: My shell hurts.

Koopa 2: Am I in Koopeaven?

Koopa 3: Let's do that again!

Mario and Luigi enter a weird building. In the building they encounter two sledge brothers.

Bro 1: Hey! What are you doing here?

Bro 2: Um, what are we supposed to do?

Luigi: Look, all I want is to get past you guys. (Okay so technically I don't want to be here but that's beside the point)

Bro 1: Yeah well we're the Border Patrol!

Bro 2: Right! You have to do the Border Jump!

Luigi: What's the Border jump?

Bro 1: It's like jump rope.

Bro 2: Except both of you have to do it and it's really hard.

Luigi: So why don't you call it double hard jump rope?

Bro 1: Too many syllables.

Bro 2: Look are you going to fail, I mean do this or not?

Luigi: Hey! He's Mario and I'm Luigi and we're the jump kings!

Bro 1: Whatever.

Bro 2: We won't go easy on you than.

30 tries later…

Luigi: Ugh! This is impossible!

Mario: Oh, I lost!

Bro 1: Told ya it was hard.

Bro 2: Not for us though.

Luigi: Fine! Than you do it!

Bro 1: Alright, we will!

1 try later…

Bro 2: Told you we could do it!

Luigi: Great! Now you get to go out the Mushroom side!

Bro 1: Wait a minute…Hey!

Luigi pushes them out the door and than barricades it.

Mario: Lookie!

Mario holds up a Fire Flower and a Beanbean map.

Luigi Great! Now let's get out of here!

They leave the building and soon encounter a spike line laid across their path.

Luigi: Oh great! Spikes!

Mario: (Pointing to a sign) It's-a pasta!

Luigi: No, but this sign gives me an idea…

The sign says "These spikes are easily jumped over". Luigi takes the sign and uses it as bridge over the spikes.

Luigi: That's better.

As they are walking through Stardust fields they see several Bullet Bills and Fighter Flies.

Luigi: Let's just not get into a fight with these-

Mario touches a Fighter Fly! They are dragged into a battle sequence!

Luigi: Oh no!

Mario: Okeydokey!

Mario jumps on Luigi.

Luigi: Ouch! Why you!

Luigi grabs Mario and flings him at the Fighter Fly. They win! They also get four experience points each!

Luigi: What am I supposed to do with these?

Mario: It's-a pasta!

Mario eats his experience points.

Luigi: Wait, is that even possible?

Narrator: Uh, I'm not sure. Just get back to the story!

Luigi: Fine, fine.

The Bros. continue exploring and find Bowser stuck in a cannon.

Bowser: Finally you guys got here! Please get me out of this!

A large green guy with a crown suddenly appears.

: I am Tolstar! Nyeck nyeck! You'll never get him out!

Luigi: Oh yeah? Watch us!

2 hours later…

Tolstar: I'm getting kind of bored.

Luigi: (Pant, pant) Fine, what do you want?

Tolstar: I want a hundred coins!

Luigi: Forget that! Bowser isn't worth that much!

Bowser: What! How dare you?

Mario: Okeydokey!

Mario gives Tolstar all of there coins.

Luigi: …I am going to KILL you!

Tolstar: Nyeck nyeck! These are Mushroom Kingdom coins aren't they?

Luigi: So? We paid you so let him go!

Tolstar: Well by some weird currency exchange thingamabob these are only ten Beanbean coins!

Luigi: You didn't even look at them!

Tolstar: It doesn't matter! It is still only ten coins!

Luigi: Ah, forget this! Mario use the fire flower!

Mario: Okeydokey!

He uses the fire flower and it sprays all over Luigi!

Luigi: Ouch! Burning! Pain!

Luigi runs over the cannon, accidentally lighting the fuse!

Bowser: Not good!

He launches off, slamming into Tolstar and sending both of them flying. Luigi finds a bucket of water

Luigi: Ahhh. That's better. Hey, where's Bowser?

Mario points to where Bowser went.

Luigi: Stupid koopa. We try and rescue him and he runs off without us.

They head in that direction until…

: Stooooop!

The Bros. turn around to see two tall toads running after them.

Toad: I'm Sergeant Starshade and he is General Starshade!

G. Starshade: And we have to teach you some abilities!

Luigi: They're probably useless-

Mario Let's-a go!

S. Starshade: Okay, first ability is the High Jump! Luigi jump on Mario, Mario grab his legs and Luigi jump off!

Luigi: …Woo-hoo! Finally I get to jump on Mario! Let's do it!

Somehow Mario screws it up and they have 3 more times before they get it right.

Luigi: Finally! Can we go now?

G. Starshade: Wait! Now we have to teach you the Spin Jump! Mario get on Luigi and twirl around!

Luigi: Oh joy.

Mario jumps on Luigi…and stays there.

Luigi: Go! Move! Ugh! You weigh like 300 pounds!

Mario: Okeydokey!

Mario starts twirling. However when he stops Luigi isn't ready and slams into a wall.

Luigi: This just isn't my day.

Starshade Bros. Well we guess you got the gist of it so we'll be going now. Bye!

They leave. Mario and Luigi enter a door way leaving Stardust fields.


	3. Chapter 3

Mario and Luigi Stupidstar Saga Part Three: HooHoo Mountain

And they come out on a mountain near a waterfall. Before they can go anywhere three Beanbean soldiers come after them.

Bean Soldier 1: Hey! You guys are bad!

Bean Soldier 2: Yeah! You're under arrest!

Bean Soldier 3: I want coffee!

Luigi: What did I do?

Bean Soldier 1: Well, um, I don't remember.

Bean Soldier 2: You guys…uh, I'm not sure.

Bean Soldier 3: They kidnapped Prince Peasley!

Everyone stares at him.

Luigi: I did not kidnap Prince Teasley!

Bean Soldier 1: It's Prince Peasley!

Bean Soldier 2: Well the citizens said they saw someone take him.

Luigi: Who'd they see?

Bean Soldier 3: A little man who had a helmet and spoke of Finkrats and other such garbage. Look there he is!

They look at Mario. He has the water bucket on his head.

Mario: Do do do do Finkrats!

Luigi: Oh him. He's like a parrot and copies anything he hears. A lot.

Bean Soldier 1: Oh… well… sorry. Our bad.

They leave. Mario and Luigi continue their journey until they get to Hoohoo village and a Hoohoo Guy talks to them.

Hoohoo Guy: Welcome to Hoohoo village!

A Hoohoo girl runs up.

Hoohoo Girl: Beanbean Castle Town is down there.

Luigi: The people here are really helpful. I wonder why?

They head down the path in the direction of the castle when they see a soldier and Fawful!

B. Soldier: Look I can't make you do anything so I'm going to run away.

Fawful: Eeyah ha ha! Finkrat!

Fawful blasts the soldier with his electrical energy blast thingy.

B. Soldier: Ouch! Ok I'm running!

He runs off.

Luigi: You! You're the one who kidnapped the Prince!

Fawful: Eeyah ha huh? Who goes in theresness? Aha! It is the brothers of that which I hate!

Mario: It's-a you-a Fawful!

Luigi: Let us down the mountain!

Fawful: Eeyah ha ha! Have you readiness for this?

Luigi: Readiness for what-AAAHH!

He jumps out of the way as a giant rock smashes down, blocking the path.

Fawful: Eeyah ha ha! Since you will not be smashing this rock of bigness, you will not get down mountain of tallness!

Luigi watches as Fawful flies away.

Luigi: Psycho. Now we probably have to do some ridiculously long challenge just to get down the mountain! Come on Mario!

Mario jumps off the top of the rock and follows Luigi.

Back in Hoohoo village…

Hoohoo Girl: Blabladon is gone. We were supposed to have dinner together.

Luigi: Who's Blabladon?

Hoohoo Guy: He's a pterodactyl that carries you to the top of the mountain.

Hoohoo Girl: He said he saw a coin on the mountaintop and went up there to get it. We haven't seen him since.

Luigi: How long has he been gone?

Hoohoo Guy: Five minutes. Can you get him?

Luigi: Well I don't think-

Mario: Okeydokey!

So unfortunately they have to go to the top of the mountain, but the bridge is out.

Bridge Worker: Sorry but you're going to have to go somewhere else. No one knows why but when you come back the bridge will be fixed.

Mario and Luigi go into the nearest house.

Hoohoo Girl: AAAHHH! Get out! GET OUT! Have you ever heard of privacy!

They go into the next house. They see two green guys with hammer shaped heads attempting to smash a rock. However soon they fall asleep in exhaustion.

Luigi: Hello! Hey guys wake up!

Mallet: Huh? What? Who's there?

Luigi: Well I'm Luigi and he's-

Mario: It's-a me-a Mario!

Luigi: Yeah, that.

Sledge: Oh well I'm Sledge and my brother is called Mallet.

Mallet: Howdy!

Luigi: Right. So what were you guys doing?

Sledge: Well you see it's our job to smash rocks into itty-bitty pieces.

Mallet: Yeah! We get paid a lot of coins!

Luigi: Yes, I can, uh, see that.

He looks at the hole that takes up half the house.

Sledge: Yeah, um, we like the view.

Mallet: The problem is that we're too tired to do our job. Too old perhaps.

Sledge: But we heard that there is a mystical item called the Hoohoo block. It's really rare and valuable. If we had that we could retire. So could you please get it for us?

Luigi: Well I don't know-

Mallet: If you get it for us we'll give you guys all-powerful hammers.

Luigi: Well where is it?

Sledge: At the top of the mountain!

Luigi: Sure! (We were going there anyway so might as well)

Hammer Bros.: Great!

So now Mario and Luigi have two reasons to climb the mountain. When they leave the house they find that the bridge is completed. So they started climbing up the mountain. A little ways up they see some strange green creatures running around. (They're Beanies of course)

Luigi: This is the oddest place I have ever been.

They look at them waddling around occasionally falling, when one runs forward and touches Luigi.

Luigi: Oh wow! Very scary! It touched-Hey! What's going on?

Mario and Luigi are dragged into a fight sequence.

Luigi: What am I supposed to do?

Mario: Lookie!

Mario points at the eerie floating arrows above them.

Luigi: AAAHHH! Ghost arrows!

He throws a rock at the arrows and they fall on the Beanies, taking them out of battle!

Luigi: Ghost arrows gone? I mean, ha! That's exactly what I planned!

Mario: Okeydokey.

As they continue up the mountain they run into several more fights with Beanies, Dry Bones and Rexes (Very diverse isn't it?)

Luigi: (Pant, pant) This is to much. We can't keep fighting.

Mario: MUSHROOM!

Mario points off the cliff and everything jumps off.

Luigi: Odd tactic. Maybe you are good for something-whoa!

Luigi catches Mario just in time to stop him from jumping off the cliff.

Luigi: Or not.

Soon they come to a flaming statue. Luigi reads a sign nearby.

Luigi: It says that if someone drinks some water jump on their head to make all the water come out.

He looked at a nearby spigot, gushing water.

Luigi: I guess that one of us drinks some water than has the other jump on their head…

Mario shoves Luigi under the spigot but Luigi dodges and smashes his head into the cliff wall. A rock falls down and creates a path.

Luigi: Ouch! Well at least we can continue.

They keep walking until about halfway up the mountain they encounter a talking statue.

Talking Statue: I'm a talking statue and my name is-

Luigi: AAAHHH! Ghost statue!

Talking statue: No, Hoohooros, ancient weapon thing.

Luigi: Oh, well, cool! What do you do?

Hoohooros: I can shoot purple lasers and hide in pillars.

Luigi: Anything else?

Hoohooros: No.

Luigi: Okay. Than I guess we'll see you later.

Hoohooros: Aren't you going to take my challenge?

Luigi: Do we have to?

Hoohooros: If you don't I'll blast you with my lasers.

Luigi: Fine! What do we do?

Hoohooros: You have to get ten spiritballs in 30 seconds and-

Luigi: Okay go!

The challenge starts, a spiritball appears in midair.

Luigi: What to do? Aha!

Luigi picks Mario up and in a burst of strength chucks him at the ball. Mario grabs it and because of his thick blubber, bounces off the cliff wall and grabs more spiritballs, until he had all ten.

Hoohooros: Uh, you got them all.

Luigi: Woohoo!

Mario: I'm the winner!

Hoohooros: But you have to fight me now! RAARGH!

Hoohooros turns into an evil looking gray thing. Before they can fight…

Blabladon: COINS!

Blabladon drops a gigantic rock on Hoohooros smashing it into a million tiny pieces.

Blabladon: Did it have any coins?

Luigi: What was all that about!

Blabladon: Oh sorry. I thought that the statue might have some coins in it.

Luigi: Well you could have warned me!

Blabladon: Sorry.

Luigi: So you've been looking for coins all this time?

Blabladon: Yep! I would offer you a ride but your brother is to fat.

Luigi: Well we could just leave him-

Mario: Water!

Mario grabs Luigi and shoves his head under a spigot until he fills up with water and then sticks a mushroom in his mouth so he can't spit it out.

Blabladon: Oh no! You're too full of water for me to carry now! I gotta go!

Blabladon leaves. Luigi pulls the Mushroom out of his mouth and spits all the water out while glaring at Mario.

Luigi: I'm starting to wonder if you're smarter than I give you credit for.

Mario: Okeydokey!

Mario and Luigi continue up the mountain. Eventually they reach the top. They see a big shiny block on a weird egg-shaped rock.

Luigi: I would guess that, that block is the Hoohoo block! Yes we're almost done!

All of a sudden a large rumbling starts shaking the Mario Bros.

Luigi: W-w-what is g-g-going on?

Then…

Luigi: Oh no! It can't be!

The Border Patrol Bros. show up!

Bro. 1: We finally caught up with you guys!

Bro. 2: Yeah! We are going to get you for tricking us back there!

Luigi: I'm sure we could talk this out-

BOOM!

The rock explodes and turns out to be an egg! Out pops a big dragon!

Dragohoho: GOO-GWAAA!

Luigi: Uh oh.

Trapped between three enemies and with a useless brother beside him, Luigi sparks upon an idea.

Luigi: Hey Border Patrol Bros.! Want a really valuable Hoohoo block?

Luigi starts waving the block in front of the Bros. They start salivating at the thought of all that money. Then Luigi throws it over the cliff.

Bros.: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

They run over the dragon and then fall off the cliff. The dragon then turns into a person!

Prince Peasley: Heh heh! I am Prince Peasley

Luigi: Wow! What a coincidence!

A mystical shine fills the air when the Prince laughs.

Prince Peasley: Cackletta turned me into that dragon and imprisoned me in that egg! Here have this shiny jewel rose!

Luigi gets Peasley's Rose!

Mario: DESTROY EVIL!

Prince Peasley: AAAHHH! No, you psycho!

Mario runs into Peasley, knocking him down the mountain.

Prince Peasley: (Rolling down the mountain) This could affect my shine!

Luigi: That was an interesting person.

Mario: SHINY!

Mario takes Peasley's Rose!

Luigi: No Mario! Ah, I'll just let him have it. What's the worst he could do to it?

Blabladon appears.

Blabladon: Okay, I got a bunch of coins and I feel like carrying you both now.

Luigi: You mean you just had excuses last time?

Blabladon: You could say that…look just get on.

Blabladon carries them down the mountain. Mario and Luigi enter the Hammer Bros. house.

Luigi: This is convenient.

The Border Patrol Bros. had fallen on the Hammer Bros., knocking them all out. Luigi quickly finds a pair of rusty old hammers.

Luigi: I guess this is what they meant by "all-powerful hammers." Cheapskates.

They leave and head down to the rock that Fawful put there. They smash it with their hammers. Soon they come to a flaming rock. Luigi looks at the rock, then he looks at the water bucket they still have, then he looks at a water spigot. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened next. Than they saw a mine and went in it.

Minecart Guy: To get down the mountain you have to ride the minecarts.

Luigi: Okay.

Minecart Guy: The rules: You have to get 10 diamonds and Mario gets the flashlight.

Luigi: Hey that's not cool! Why?

Minecart Guy: Two reasons: first diamonds are money and I want money, and second BECAUSE I SAID SO! Any questions?

The brothers are unable to answer because their eardrums were blown out.

20 minutes later…

Luigi: Fine! I'll take your stupid minecart challenge.

As they take the challenge they start off well with Luigi getting two diamonds right off the bat. Mario than decides to shine the flashlight under his hand to see the cool shadows.

Luigi: AAAHHH! Mario!

Luigi crashes into a thwomp, losing both of the diamonds. The rest of the ride continues much the same way. At the end Luigi only has 1 diamond.

Minecart Guy: Just one? Looks like you're going to have to do it aga-ack!

Luigi knocks him out with his hammer.

Luigi: I guess these hammers are good for something.

Mario and Luigi cross to the pathway leaving the mountain, and this part of their adventure.


	4. Chapter 4

Mario and Luigi: Stupidstar Saga Part Four: Beanbean Castle

Luigi: Finally we are past that mountain!

They walk along a hilly path and see several pointy creatures (they're Sharpeas)

Luigi: I'm going to take a guess and say we don't jump on those-AAAAHHHHH!

Mario picks Luigi up and throws him face-first at one of the Sharpeas.

Luigi: (in mid-air) How? How are we related?

Luigi hits the Sharpea. The Sharpea gets agitated because Luigi is stuck on his back. (The pain knocked Luigi out) The Sharpea than flips upside down and than scrapes Luigi off in the dirt and than runs off. Luigi starts to wake up.

Mario: It's-a you-a in-a pain-a!

Mario shoves a mushroom in Luigi's mouth.

Luigi: What are you doing! Trying to choke-Ack!

Unfortunately it was a poison mushroom. Luigi fell unconscious. Mario shrugs, picks him up and starts dragging him along the ground, using his body to bat aside Sharpeas and weird worm-like Sworms. Mario eventually carries Luigi far enough for him to wake up.

Luigi: You know Mario sometimes I think you're trying to kill me.

Mario: Okeydokey!

Luigi: That doesn't exactly reassure me.

They continue walking until they see strange raccoon-like Tanoombas and odd flying turtles called Paratroopeas.

Luigi: Yes! Finally some easy enemies! We'll crush these-Ack!

A Paratroopea rams into Luigi knocking him out instantly.

Mario: It's-a healing time!

Mario gives Luigi a 1-up Mushroom.

Luigi: Hey thanks Mar-Ack!

A Tanoomba touches Luigi with it's tail. Luigi faints. Mario shrugs and than continues using Luigi as a battering ram. Just before they reach Beanbean Castle Town Luigi wakes up.

Luigi: Ok that does it! We're going to ignore every enemy and just go into the town!

They go into the town and encounter no more enemies. When they get there the town is in ruins.

Luigi: Is it always like this or are they doing construction?

A house crumbles to dust.

Luigi: Maybe it's termites.

A Beanbean guy walks over to them.

BB Guy: This is all your fault!

Luigi: How?

BB Guy: Stop interrogating me, you big bully!

He runs off. Another one comes over.

BB Guy: Oh don't mind Jerry. He's been kind of loopy ever since Cackletta and Fawful attacked the town and headed up toward the castle.

Luigi: I guess we better head over to the castle than.

Mario and Luigi head up to the-

Luigi: Hey! Why do you always put Mario's name first!

Narrator: Uh it's alphabetical order.

Luigi: Oh, okay. Hey wait a minute!

Narrator: Oh just get back to the story!

Luigi: Fine.

Mario and Luigi head up to the castle. In front of it they see two Beanbean Guards.

BB Guard 1: So to Pokershroom you flip this card over and-

BB Guard 2: You destroyed my Shrace!

Both: Ha Ha Ha!

Luigi: What are you doing?

BB Guard 1: AAAHHH! I mean you can't pass!

BB Guard 2: The castle is ours to guard as we please!

Luigi: That's great but we need to see the Queen so we can get this ridiculous quest over with.

BB Guard 1: Queen? There is no Queen here. Excuse me for a second.

The guards turn and start talking to each other.

BB Guard 1: Did you tell him about the Queen?

BB Guard 2: No! I don't know who did!

Luigi: Uh guys…

BB Guards: What! Oh.

They look where Luigi is pointing and see a big sign with flashing lights saying "Queen Bean's Castle!"

Luigi: So can we go in?

BB Guard 1: No! You need to show us something from the royal family!

Luigi: Fine! Mario show them Peasley's Rose!

Mario: (crunch, crunch) Yummy!

Luigi: MARIO! You didn't eat Peasley's Rose did you?

Mario gulps and swallows Peasley's Rose.

BB Guard 2: Um you still can't pass.

Luigi: Alright, fine but-Oh my gosh! Is that an Ultra Mushroom in the bushes!

BB Guards: What?

They both run into the bushes.

Luigi: Finally! Come on Mario.

They enter the castle, leaving the guards behind.

BB Guard 1: Hey! Where'd they go?

BB Guard 2: Where'd who go?

BB Guard 1: Well, um, I don't really remember.

BB Guard 2: So, uh what do you want to do?

BB Guard 1: How about Pokershroom?

BB Guard 2: What's that?

BB Guard 1: Here, let me show you…

Meanwhile in the castle…

Luigi: Whoa! This place is huge!

Mario: (muttering) Peach's castle is bigger.

Luigi: What did you say?

Mario: It's-a me-a Mario!

Luigi: Oh, all right. For a second there I thought you said an intelligible sentence.

Mario: (Low muttering) I'm going to make you pay for that.

Luigi: You know that if I didn't know better I'd be worried that my brother was plotting against me. But he's not smart enough to do that.

Mario: (Really low muttering) You're going to regret that.

Soon the brothers run into more guards, guarding (Wow! Who saw that coming?) a door.

BB guard 3: Um do you want to pass?

Luigi: Yes!

BB guard 4: Well too bad!

Both: HA HA HA!

Luigi: There is something seriously wrong with the people in this place.

Mario and Luigi turn around and go through the only open door. Soon they see two more guards.

Luigi: Geez! Peach's doesn't have this many guards and she's been attacked and kidnapped so many times it is funny! You guys are really paranoid!

BB guard 5: You know if you had more guards she probably wouldn't be kidnapped so often.

BB guard 6: Shh! Don't try and use logic on them! Their primitive brains can't handle it!

Luigi: I'm right here.

BB guard 6: Uh, so you are! I was just joking! Please don't smash me!

Luigi: Look I just want to know where Queen Bean is.

BB guard 5: Well actually she's right behind the door we're guarding.

Luigi: Great! Will you let us pass?

BB guard 6: Well first you have to get us a few things.

Luigi: (Suspiciously) What things?

BB guard 5: Well first I want a bunny, which you can get by going outside and talking to…

3 hours later…

Mario Bros. (Snore, snore)

BB guard 5: And that's all we want! Hey are you even listening?

Luigi: (Snapping awake) What! No way are getting you any of that stuff! (Especially because I didn't hear half of it) We'll find some other way in!

Luigi storms off dragging a still sleeping Mario with him.

BB guard 5: Aww man! Now I'll never get my bunny!

He breaks down crying. His friend pats him on the back.

BB guard 6: There, there. Your birthday is coming up.

BB guard 5: (Sniffles) Yeah, you're right. I need to pull myself together.

BB guard 6: That's right! Now let's play Pokershroom with the guys!

Meanwhile in another part of the castle…

Luigi: What the? Are those guys playing Pokershroom?

He tries to get closer for a better look and trips over a sleeping Beanbean person. Mario wakes up.

Mario: Fire Flower!

Luigi: Shh! Don't wake him up! I don't want another crazy Beanbean person on my hands!

Lady Lima: Oh good, you're here!

Luigi: Shh! Don't wake him-

Lady Lima: What! How dare you shush a Queen's person thingy!

Luigi: Look Lady, all I want-

Lady Lima: Lady Lima! Call me by my full name you impertinent fool!

Luigi: Fine! Look Lady Lima, brat, whiner, and arrogant Queen's person thingy, I just want to see the Queen!

Lady Lima: Why how dare you! I have never been insulted so much in my entire life! Especially not by such a lowly peasant!

Luigi: It takes one to know one.

Lady Lima: That does it! Take this!

She takes out a large remote control with a button it, which she presses. The floor drops out from under the plumbers.

Luigi: Uh oh.

Mario: Mamamia!

They fall into the castle basement.

Luigi: Ouch.

Lady Lima: Eeyah-I mean Ha! Now in order to redeem yourself and meet the Queen you must fix the castle's plumbing!

Luigi: Why?

Lady Lima: Well because your plumbers and I figured you should get some plumbing done in your adventure.

Luigi: And if we choose to not fix the plumbing?

Lady Lima: Than you will never get out of the basement! Ha! Ha! Bye.

Lady Lima leaves them in the basement.

Luigi: Great! Just great! I don't think this "adventure" is ever going to end!

Mario and Luigi trudge along. They then see Spinies and Super Flies!

Spiny: Hey! Get out of here!

Super Fly: Don't make me hop on you!

Luigi: How to get rid of them, how to get rid of them? Hmmm. Aha! Hey guys they're playing Pokershroom up there!

Enemies: Awesome!

Somehow they all disappear from the basement.

Luigi: Well that was simple.

They walk around the basement until they see some loose plugs.

Luigi: Let me guess, pull out the plugs? No, that wouldn't work…

Mario smashes them all in with his hammer.

Luigi: I was just about to say that!

They continue smashing plugs until there is only two left.

Luigi: Alright! The last one-huh?  
A spiny runs in.

Spiny: I have no hands! They won't let me play-whoops! AAHH!

It runs into the plug and breaks it.

Luigi: Great! Now we'll never get out of here! Unless…

Spiny: Hey! Stop looking at me like that! AAAHH! Let go! Ack!

Luigi picks up the Spiny and shoves it into the hole. A cage opens up. Out come some Beanbean people and…Lady Lima?

Lady Lima: Oh good! It's the Mario Bros. and they let us out!

Luigi: How'd you get in there so fast?

Lady Lima: Why, we've been stuck here ever since Cackletta and Fawful attacked the town.

Luigi: But you just told us to fix the plumbing!

Lady Lima: Ha! Ha! Ha! Now why would I do that? The plumbing is our defense protecting our most valuable item!

Luigi: But if you're down here the only way to get out would be to fix the plumbing!

Lady Lima: Your point is?

Luigi: That is the stupidest idea ever.

Lady Lima: Well you didn't fix the plumbing right?

Luigi: Well see we kind of…did.

Lady Lima: Oh no! Quick, we must stop her!

Luigi; Who? Why?

Meanwhile in another room in the castle where a strange shining star resides…

Lady Lima (The fake one) Suddenly becomes Cackletta! Then Fawful runs in.

Fawful: Quick O mighty mistress! If we do not make our escape of speediness soon the jam of the brothers will fall upon us!

Cackletta: Eeyah ha ha! I have absolutely no idea what you said but that's normal! Soon the Beanstar will be in my grasp!

A force field covering the star flickers and goes out.

Cackletta: Excellent! Fawful, get the star!

Fawful: Of course I will get the star! The star whose mightiness which is only countered by the brilliant mustard of your bread!

Cackletta: Just get it.

Fawful attempts to get the star, but at that moment the force field flickers on.

Fawful: Ouchy! Owie! Pain!

The force field flickers off.

Cackletta: What's going on?

Back in the basement…

Luigi: Stay in there!

Spiny: No way! It's cold and uncomfortable!

Lady Lima: uh, Luigi…

Luigi knocks out the Spiny and wedges him so deeply into the pipe there's no way he could ever get out on his own.

Lady Lima: Great! Now Cackletta will get the Beanstar!

Luigi: So? Why does she want a vegetable?

Lady Lima: It's not a vegetable! It grants wishes!

Luigi: So? She probably wants a new chair.

Lady Lima: No! She wants to rule the world!

Luigi: So why did she take Peach's voice?

Lady Lima: She needs it so she can awaken the Beanstar! Now get up there!

Lady Lima pushes the Bros. up the stairs.

At the Beanstar...

Fawful: I think the field of forces is off.

Cackletta: Fine! I'll take the Beanstar this time!

Cackletta takes the Beanstar and gets in her rocket chair just as the Mario Bros. show up.

Luigi: Can we please not fight?

Mario: Let's-a go!

Cackletta: Eeyah ha ha! You won't be fighting me or Fawful! Say hi to the Queen!

Cackletta and Fawful take off. A huge muscular green person bursts through the walls.

Luigi: Queen Bean?

Lady Lima: Oh no! Cackletta made her eat a Belly Blech Worm!

Luigi: I don't even want to know.

Queen Bean: GROOO! RAR! Scary noises!

Mario jumps on her only to be hurt by her pointy crown.

Mario: Owie!

Luigi: HA! For once I'm not being hurt-AAHH! Mario no!

Mario launches Luigi at Queen Bean. She punches him in midair and he is sent flying into a wall.

Luigi: Ow.

In the basement…

Spiny: Almost free…Aw I give up.

The Border Patrol Bros. show up and spot the Spiny.

Bro 1: Hey have you seen a red or green guy around here?

Spiny: Yes! I'll tell you where they went if you get me out of here!

Bro 2: Okay!

They pull him out. A huge jet of water smacks into the Bros. sending them through the ceilings of both floors!

Luigi: (Seeing them pass) Hey, was that the Border-Ack!

Luigi gets hit in the head by a chunk of plaster knocking him out. The force field comes on, shocking and knocking Queen Bean out.

Lady Lima: Oh no! What will we do?

Mario: Okeydokey!

Lady Lima: What's that? You and your brother will cure her?

Luigi: (Waking up) What? Oh no! Mario you didn't volunteer us for something again did you?

Lady Lima: Yes he did! Now go to Chucklehuck woods by Chateau De Chucklehuck and get some Chuckola Cola to heal her. Take this Beanbean Brooch.

Mario attempts to take it but Luigi grabs it first.

Luigi: Uh uh! This time I'm taking it.

As they leave the castle a Beanbean Person runs after them.

BB Person: Wait! I have something for Mario!

They stop and turn around to see he's holding something shiny.

Luigi: What is that?

BB Person: It's a badge! Mario gets it because he's special! And your not!

Luigi: Wow you're nice.

BB Person: Thank you!

Luigi: I was being sarcastic.

BB Person: That's nice.

Luigi: …I hate this place.

BB Person: The badge makes Mario look cool!

Mario: I'm the winner!

Luigi: I think it makes him look like a dork.

Mario throws the badge at Luigi, knocking him out (Again) and then carries him off to the Chateau.


	5. Chapter 5

Mario and Luigi Stupidstar Saga Part Five: Chucklehuck Woods

Soon Mario reaches the southern area of Beanbean kingdom; just outside Chateau de Chucklehuck. Luigi wakes up.

Luigi: That does it! I'm sick of your cruelty to me! I'm going to get you! I'm going to-

Mario picks up a large rock.

Luigi: Be real quiet.

Mario puts the rock down.

Luigi: You're a really bad role model for your younger brother.

Mario: Okeydokey!

Luigi: (Whispering) Idiot.

Outside the entrance to the Chateau they run into a few guards.

BB Guard 1: We are not letting you pass!

Luigi: We didn't say anything!

BB Guard 2: Your trickery falls on deaf ears!

Luigi: But we have the Beanbean Brooch!

BB Guard 3: How do we know it's not fake? You could be Cackletta in disguise!

Luigi: But we got it from Lady Lima herself!

BB Guard 1: A likely story! We know that Lady Lima has been impersonated twice by Cackletta!

Luigi: How do you know that?

BB Guard 2: Magic.

Luigi: What the? That doesn't make sense!

BB Guard 3: Ha! That proves your Cackletta!

Luigi: How? She's a witch, and witches use magic.

BB Guard 1: Uh, that's what you think!

Luigi: Enough with this! You guys are as crazy as my brother and just about as coherent. All I want to know is if there is a way for me to get past you. If you say no I will finally have a valid excuse for abandoning this stupid quest, so please say no.

BB Guard 2: Well there is one way…

Luigi: (sigh) What is it?

BB Guard 3: You must beat us in Pokershroom!

Luigi: No.

BB Guard 1: I hear that you will be rewarded with riches beyond your wildest dreams if you defeat Cackletta.

Luigi: Yeah right.

BB Guard 2: You could win Princess Peach's hand in marriage I bet.

Luigi: She's almost as idiotic as Mario. Why do you want me to beat Cackletta?

BB Guard 3: Because we really want to play Pokershroom! All right, how about this: If you defeat her we'll pay to have Mario personally shipped to Darkland covered in cement from the neck down, his mouth taped shut and a note attached to him full of mean insults about Bowser, his family and koopas in general.

Luigi: Okay! How do you play?

BB Guard 1: Okay first rule is: you bet everything you own and we always win.

Luigi: You've got to be kidding me.

BB Guard 2: Nope.

Luigi: Can I see the cards?

BB Guard 3: Okay! We always show people our really cool cards!

Luigi: I see. These are nice. Except… (Luigi throws them on the ground) Look Mario, Goombas!

Mario: Destroy!

Mario starts jumping on the cards.

BB Guard 1: Oh what's he going to do, flatten them?

Luigi: Yeah. Too bad he's wearing cleats. Can't get as much velocity.

The guard's eyes almost pop out of their heads as they realize Mario's shredding the cards.

All three: AAAAHHHHH! Okay you can pass!

Luigi grabs Mario and they run into the Chateau. The guards are forced to slowly tape their cards back together. Ha ha.

Inside the Chateau…

The Bros. see some weird signs and pictures explaining how Chuckola Cola is made.

Luigi: What the? "Tell the soda jokes to make it taste better? Good jokes will help it; bad ones will get you an eternity picking Chuckola fruit for Master Bubbles?" Who's Bubbles? I thought this kingdom couldn't get any weirder; looks like I was wrong.

Mario begins eating the pictures.

Mario: It's-a pasta!

Luigi: How does that even bear the slightest resemblance to pasta?

The next room has a bunch of barrels set up in a sort of maze.

Luigi: Great! A maze! As if I didn't have enough troubles already!

Mario: Whee!

Mario stumbles on air, falls into Luigi and both of them crash into the barrels knocking them over. A green man (It's Popple) who was apparently navigating the maze runs into another room.

Popple: Blast! Poo! Criminy! I must escape!

Luigi: That was…weird.

Mario: Let's-a go!

They run into the next room where they find the Popple talking to himself.

Popple: (Doesn't see them) Well at least they didn't notice I took their hammers.

He holds up a pair of rusty hammers.

Luigi: So he's a thief! Come on Mario let's… Mario? What are you doing?

Mario: No one-a steals from MARIO! KILL!

Mario launches himself at Popple and starts crushing him.

Popple: Ack! No! Pain! I'll just heal myself with some mushrooms I took from this guy-AAAHHHH!

Mario: No stealing MUSHROOMS!

If Mario was vicious before, it's nothing to how he is now.

Popple: Help me Rookie!

Rookie: Okay Boss!

Out of another room Rookie shows up.

Luigi: No way! It can't be!

Rookie's Bowser!

Rookie: Hey do I know you?

Popple: A little help Rookie! AAAHHH!

Mario: Mushroom thief! Kill! Kill!

Rookie: What's your name?

Luigi: Uh, Luigi. Look Bowser…

Rookie: Who's Bowser?

Luigi: Don't you know who you are?

Rookie: No. I was found on a mountain by a Beanbean person, but than Popple stole me from him.

Popple: I did not! I "borrowed" him for an extended time period!

Luigi: Is there anything you didn't steal?

Popple: I don't steal everything. Ha, ha! I got your hat Red! Oh-

Popples' screams can only be heard by dogs.

Luigi: So you like this guy?

Rookie: Not really. I'm kind of stuck with him.

Luigi: I'm stuck with Mario!

Rookie: Really! Wow!

Luigi: I can tell we're going to be best friends!

Rookie: Does Mario treat you like scum?

Luigi: Yes! You too?

Rookie: Uh huh!

Popple: I don't think I can feel pain any more.

Mario takes the two hammers and starts smashing him with them.

Popple: Yes I can! OOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!

Mario slams Popple and he goes flying through the Chateau.

Rookie: Uh oh! I better go get him!

Luigi: Aww! Don't go!

Rookie: Don't worry we'll see each other again.

Rookie leaves.

Luigi: Wow. Someone who actually understands me! And from an amnesiac Bowser too!

The next area has a rocking barrel in it.

Luigi: AAAAAHHHH! Possessed barrel! Destroy it!

Luigi uses his hammer to smash the barrel into little pieces and out come Cork and Cask the strange looking French guys.

Cork: Oui! Why'd you do that to Cask and me!

Cask: Coreect! We were playing the barrel game!

Luigi: Okay two things: First, drop the French accents they are so fake.

Cork: Really? We've been working on them for three years!

Luigi: …That's just sad.

Cask: You said there was another thing.

Luigi: Oh right. What is the barrel game?

Cork: We hide in a barrel and the first one to come out loses!

Luigi: …That is the stupidest game ever.

Cask: Well as punishment, I mean "reward" for "rescuing" us, we are going to teach you guys some new moves!

Luigi: Useless moves?

Cork: That depends.

Luigi: On what?

Cask: On whether you can find a use for them.

Luigi: Again I go…fine! Be mysterious. We didn't want to learn those moves any-

Mario begins jumping up and down.

Luigi: Correction, I don't want to learn the moves. And no I don't care if you do Mario we're leaving.

Luigi starts dragging Mario with him to the woods.

Cork: Oh no you don't!

He hits a button, sending bars across the doors and windows.

Luigi: Maybe you didn't hear me; I'm not going to learn your stupid moves and you can't make me!

Mario: ATTACK!

Mario knocks Luigi out.

Cask: Uh, good job, but we need him for the moves.

Mario: Okeydokey!

Mario slams his hammer on Luigi's foot.

Luigi: OWIE! Ouch! Owwww…

20 minutes later…

Cork: Are you done now?

Luigi: Well I still have some emotional pain but yeah I'm done.

Cask: Okay the first one is Mini-Mario. Luigi hit Mario with your hammer.

Luigi: Cool!

Luigi hit Mario with his hammer and Mario became very small.

Cask: See? This move is useful.

Luigi: Hee, hee! Tiny Mario! Wait…how is this move useful?

Cask: Well you need it for the challenge we're going to give you after we teach you these moves.

Luigi: Uh, uh! I am not doing your stupid challenge!

Cask: Too bad! Attack dogs!

A bunch of dogs jumped out of fruit boxes and started growling.

Luigi: Uh, I'd love to do your-Ow!

Mini-Mario starts hammering Luigi.

Cork: Oh to make him big again just hit him with your hammer.

Luigi hits Mario with his hammer, returning him to normal size.

Cork: All right, the next move is called the Luigi Dunk. Mario, hit Luigi with your hammer.

Mario: Okeydokey!

Luigi: Please no! Have mercy! AAAHHH!

Mario hits Luigi, sending him underground.

Cork: To come out just jump.

Luigi: YAAH! Oh good. I didn't like it in there.

Cask: All right, we want you two, to get us some wine goblets in the next room.

Cork: To get them you must use Mini-Mario and Luigi Dunk.

Cask: Mini-Mario can get you through small doors and Luigi Dunk can get you under fences but not through steel flooring.

Luigi: Okay…can you show me how to get the Luigi Dunk goblet?

Cork: Yes! Follow us.

They go to another room and stand in front of a fence. Cask hits Cork sending him under the fence. Than Cork pops up and hits a button to open the fence and lets Cask in. Luigi grabs some steel flooring and sticks it where the fence is, then hammers the fence down until it's stuck.

Cork: Hey! Why'd you do that?

Luigi: Well, I think you guys can the wine goblets on your own and I want to leave now so bye!

Mario and Luigi run off into the woods.

Cask: So what do you want to do now?

Cork: Let's play the barrel game!

Cask: There are no barrels.

Cork: Well let's play with pretend barrels!

Cask: This is going to be boring.

In the woods…

Mario and Luigi come to a fence. For once they decide to work together. Mario hits Luigi, performing the Luigi Dunk. Luigi goes under the fence, pops up and opens it up for Mario.

Luigi: Who would have thought we'd actually use those moves?

As soon as they cross into the next clearing they run into a huge bad guy army consisting of Pestnuts, Chuck Guys and Fuzzbushes!

Pestnut: I'm just a Beanie with shyness issues!

Chuck Guy: I like to throw things!

Fuzzbush: I'm really creepy!

Luigi gets ready to fight when he notices Mario's sleeping.

Luigi: Come on Mario! Help me!

Mario: (snore, snore)

Luigi: Grrrr! Why you! Wait, I know how to get him to fight…

Bad Guy Army: Can you hurry up?

Luigi: Just give me a moment…

Luigi takes Mario's hat and throws it in the army of enemies.

Army?

Mario wakes up.

Luigi: Look Mario, they stole your hat!

Mario: No one-a steals MARIO'S HAAAAAAAAATTTTTT!

Army: OO!

Mario wades into the army. 15seconds later 3 beanies are left.

Beanies: EEP!

They run away. Mario picks up and puts on his hat.

Mario: I'm the winner!

As they continue through the woods they come across a place with a sign, a barrel and a switch.

Luigi: (Reading sign) Well it looks like we have to put the barrel over there so we can reach the switch. Let's pick it up and-

Mario: Luigi Dunk!

Luigi: What? No! Just pick it-Whoa!

Mario throws his hammer at Luigi, but it misses and hits the switch, opening up the path.

Luigi: I am going to try to deal with the fact that you almost killed me and I am just going to keep going through the woods.

Mario: Okeydokey!

Soon they reach another area with a barrel, a footpad and a laser face on the wall.

Luigi: I think something will happen if I stand on this pad-AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

The face shoots out a laser blast, hitting Luigi.

Luigi: Ouch! Well if I put this barrel in front of the pad and then stand on-AAAHHH!

The laser blast hits, breaks and goes through the barrel, hitting Luigi.

Luigi: That does it! Die stupid face!

Luigi smashes it with his hammer. It blows up in his face.

Luigi: AAAAAHHHH! The pain!

A path opens up. Mario heads toward it. Luigi manages to get himself up and follows Mario. Soon they come to fork. How ever the right and left passages are blocked so they head up the center, which is blocked by a huge tree.

Luigi: I guess we have to turn around…

The tree opens its eyes.

Luigi: Did that tree just look at me!

The tree opens its mouth and begins talking.

Chuckleroot: I am Chuckleroot, guardian of Mother Chuckola and…what are you doing?

Luigi: Die you evil tree!

Chuckleroot: I'm not evil.

Luigi: Then why can you talk?

Chuckleroot: …You are an idiot. To pass you must collect red, white and purple Chuckola fruit. I will unblock those paths.

Luigi: Why do we have to get them?

Chuckleroot: Uh, because I'm an evil tree and will hurt you if you don't?

Luigi: EEP!

Mario and Luigi run off to the left path. They come to another fork. They take the left again and run into…

Granddaughter of Chuckleroot (or GD of C): I am the Granddaughter of Chuckleroot and I am most displeased that you entered a ladies room uninvited! Just for that I won't open the fence over there.

Luigi: (Who is not afraid of this tree because it's small) This is your room? It's just a clearing in the forest.

GD of C: I make do.

Luigi: Also, how do you know you're related to Chuckleroot?

GD of C: Well because, uh…because…um (trails off)

Luigi: And another thing: how do you know you're a girl tree? Aren't all trees its?

GD of C: Well no! Girl trees are…well Guy trees are…AAAHHHH! My whole world is turned upside down!

She runs off and hits a switch that opens the fence.

Mario: How-a did you know how to-a do that?

Luigi: Teenage girls are the same everywhere, no matter what species they are and…wait…what did you say?

Mario: Let's-a go!

Luigi: (suspiciously) Right.

The next clearing the brothers enter has a large hedge in it. Luigi looks through a peephole in the hedge and spies the Red Chuckola Fruit!

Luigi: Awesome! We just need to find an opening…

He walks over to the other side of the hedge and sees what looks like a huge caterpillar (It's a Wiggler) blocking the opening to the hedge.

Luigi: What the? What's with the oversized caterpillar?

Mario: It's-a squishing time!

Luigi: Huh? No Mario!

Mario jumps on the Wiggler and it turns around…and turns red.

Luigi: Oh no! That's a Wiggler! AAAAHHHH!

The Wiggler rams into Luigi, sending him flying over the wall to where the Red Chuckola Fruit is.

Luigi: Cool!

He grabs the fruit and crawls through a tiny opening to see Mario battling the Wiggler.

Luigi: Wow! He's actually pulling his own weight for once! I better go help him.

Mario is alternating between jumping and hammering the Wiggler, but it doesn't seem to be doing any damage. In fact it's just getting angrier! Then Mario hits hit one more time and runs away.

Luigi: What? Stupid coward. Take this you big bug!

Luigi hits the Wiggler. It gets so angry that it explodes…right on Luigi!

Luigi: XX!

Mario: Let's-a go!

Mario drags Luigi back to the last fork, wakes him up and leads him to the right path. On the way Luigi attempts to have a conversation with Mario…

Luigi: Why didn't you tell me it was going to explode?

Mario: I'm the winner!

Luigi: That doesn't explain anything!

Mario: Okeydokey!

Luigi: Ugh.

After a little while they come to another hedge. Luigi jumps high enough to see the White Fruit.

Luigi: Yes! There's the next one! I bet we have to solve a-WHOA!

Mario uses hammer to break through the hedge and grabs the White Chuckola Fruit!

Mario: I'm the winner!

Luigi: Can you say anything else? Or is that too hard for you?

Mario: Game over!

Luigi: That doesn't make any-Ack!

Mario hits Luigi over the head with his hammer, knocking him out. Than Mario jumps on him until he wakes up.

Luigi: Ow. You know I have been continuously knocked out on this adventure and you haven't even seriously hurt by anything. That's not cool!

Mario: Okeydokey!

Luigi: Why do I ever expect to get a reasonable answer from you?

The brothers backtrack until they get to the first fork. This time they take the right path. They continue there until they get to a cave. They enter. They see the Purple Chuckola Fruit high up on a ledge.

Luigi: How are we supposed to get up there?

Mario: Hi-yaa!

Luigi: NOOOOOOO!

Mario smacks the cave wall with his hammer. Nothing happens.

Luigi: Phew! I thought there would be an avalanche-NOOOO!

Mario smacks it again. A rock falls down. It misses them, and bounces on the ground and squashes the Fruit.

Luigi: NOOOOOO! Now what do we do!

Mario: Let's-a go!

Luigi: I guess we have no choice.

They head back to Chuckleroot.

Chuckleroot: Did you get my fruit?

Luigi: Uh, well…we have Red and White Chuckola Fruit.

Chuckleroot: And Purple…?

Luigi: Um…see…Mario squished it! Please don't hurt me evil tree!

Chuckleroot: I am not evil. You are not very bright. Did you squish it Mario?

Mario: I'm the winner.

Chuckleroot: …I am detecting a family resemblance. If this is true then that means I don't have to make Fruity Pie and my wife won't get angry with me. You two may pass.

He moves aside allowing the two to continue. They cross through a long tunnel than go in a large tree. Inside they see an old man (Bubbles) telling bad jokes to a barrel of soda.

Bubbles: How many sodas does it take to screw in a light bulb? None! Sodas don't screw in light bulbs!

Luigi: …That is just pathetic.

Than they notice Popple and Rookie tied up in a corner.

Rookie: Hey Luigi! Can you help us?

Luigi: What happened?

Rookie: I found Popple in here but then this nut sneaked behind us and knocked us out! Then he tied us up! I've been stuck here listening to his jokes for two hours! Its just torture!

Luigi winces at the thought. Bubbles seems to notice him and Mario for the first time.

Bubbles: Oh my! More visitors! Maybe they want to be joke disciples? The other ones aren't ready yet but these ones appear to be.

Luigi: I do not want to be anyone disciple!

Bubbles: Oh…That's too…bad.

Popple wakes up.

Popple: Hey you! Bad joke guy! Before you tied me up I snatched your wallet! (He holds up a wallet) Ha! Ha!

Bubbles: I do not have a wallet.

Popple: What? Oh shoot! This is my dad's! I am going to be in so much trouble!

Bubbles: Since you do not want to be my disciples I must eliminate you. Arise Chuckolator!

The barrel full of soda begins to shake. Then it turns into a huge soda monster thingy!

Chuckolator: I am soda!

Luigi: This is not good!

Mario: Hi-yaa!

Mario jumps on it while smacking it with his hammer. It takes a lot of damage. But then Bubbles says another bad joke, and it powers up again!

Luigi: Dang! It seems to be strengthened by his bad jokes! But what if a lot of jokes were told…? Hey Bubbles!

Bubbles: Yes future disciple?

Luigi: (Shivers at the thought) I bet you can't tell a hundred jokes in a minute!

Bubbles: Oh? Watch.

He begins telling bad jokes. Chuckolator gets bigger and bigger. Finally around 55 seconds in it explodes. It sends EVERYONE flying!

Luigi: Maybe that wasn't a good idea!


	6. Chapter 6

Mario and Luigi Stupidstar Saga Part Six: Woohoo Hooniversity

Mario and Luigi come to a crash landing in front of the castle. They're old friends, the guards spot them.

BB Guard 1: Who are these guys?

BB Guard 2: They are really rude, interrupting the championship match of Pokershroom.

Luigi gets up and brushes himself off.

Luigi: Championship? I only see you two.

BB Guard 1: We have split personalities.

Luigi: …Whatever.

Lady Lima runs out of the castle.

Lady Lima: Oh good you're here! Please follow me to the Queen!

Luigi: Lady-

Lady Lima: Please no talking!

She leads them to where they fought Queen Bean. On the way Lady Lima strikes up a one sided conversation

Lady Lima: Since you've been gone we've kept Queen Bean inside the force field in case she wakes up. She hasn't though.

Luigi: Lady Lima I-

Lady Lima: Please don't interrupt!

Luigi: But you finished talking!

Lady Lima: How dare you talk back to me! Oh good we're here!

Lady Lima hits a switch turning off the force field.

Luigi: Lady Lima we didn't get the soda!

Lady Lima: Oh that's okay; Queen Bean doesn't like it that much anyways.

Luigi: …? No! The soda required to heal her! The soda that you sent us on a really long quest for!

Lady Lima: Oh that soda! That's okay we don't need it.

Luigi: You mean you sent us for it for no reason!

Lady Lima: Oh no! I just wanted to boss people around.

Luigi: …So how do you cure her?

Lady Lima: Poke her stomach.

Luigi: I hate you.

Mario: Whee!

Mario jumps on Queen Bean shooting out a black worm and a strange light filled the area. Soon Queen Bean's true form was revealed.

Luigi: It looks like all her muscles got transferred into fat.

Queen Bean: HA, HA, HA! I'm me again! Thank you Mario Bros.!

Luigi: Uh, yeah.

Suddenly a Beanbean person ran in.

BB Person: Prince Peasley's out front and he wants the Mario Bros.!

So Mario and Luigi meet with Prince Peasley.

Peasley: Aha! It is those scalawags that knocked me down the mountain! You almost broke my shine! Prepare for a duel!

He pulls out a sword but Lady Lima stops him from skewering Luigi.

Lady Lima: Don't fight! I need you guys to go to Woohoo Hooniversity because Cackletta is there!

Luigi: If it means not getting stabbed okay!

Peasley: I am not working with these guys! I am going to go have a temper tantrum!

Lady Lima: Oh no you don't! Your mother is going to have a talk with you!

She grabs him by the ear and starts pulling him away.

Peasley: Ow! Stop it! You big bully! I don't like you anymore!

Luigi: Right.

They pull out the map they got way back in Stardust fields (Does anybody remember that?) and head off to the Woohoo Hooniversity. However when they get there some more guards are blocking the way.

Luigi: Ugh! Is there like an unlimited supply of you guys?

Woohoo Hooniversity Guard 1: I think there is a machine deep in the castle that shoots one of us out every week or so.

Luigi: You got to be kidding me.

WH Guard 2: So what do want?

Luigi: To leave.

WH Guard 3: Okay!

Luigi: But I can't, so could you please let us in?

WH Guard 1: You have to say please first!

Luigi: …I DID!

WH Guard 2: Liar.

Luigi: I hate you guys.

WH Guard 3: We'll let you in if you play Pokershroom with us!

Luigi: Is that the only thing on your minds?

WH Guard 1: Yes.

Luigi: Well forget this. I'm going back to the castle and have Prince Peasley do this.

Suddenly Mario grabbed Luigi and barreled through the guards, making a beeline for the Woohoo Hooniversity. The guards start running after them shouting clever insults.

WH Guard 2: Jerk!

WH Guard 3: Stupidhead!

Or not. Soon Mario and Luigi make it to the Woohoo Hooniversity. They run inside and barricade the doors. The guards bounce off the door.

Luigi: Phew! I don't think they can get in now.

He turns to Mario.

Luigi: I just want to know one thing. Why did you do that you psycho?

Mario: Crikey!

Luigi: What the? When have you ever said that?

Narrator: He said it in Super Mario Sunshine, when you got him to run into walls enough times.

Luigi: But he's Italian and Crikey is Australian.

Narrator: Look just deal with it.

Luigi: Wait! Can you please explain to me why I'm stuck doing this idiotic adventure with my brother!

Narrator: Hey don't look at me. I don't control anything. You'd have to talk to the author and right now I think he's busy coming up with new ways to torture you.

Luigi: What?

Narrator: Uh nothing, just keep going.

Luigi: I hate this.

Mario and Luigi couldn't take another step before…

Luigi: What?

I said before…

Luigi: Why aren't you finishing your sentences?

Narrator: Ugh! Look you heard a noise!

Luigi: I did?

Narrator: Just work with me okay?

Luigi: Why do you talk so much this time?

Narrator: What? I've always been talking, I'm the narrator.

Luigi: No I mean to me.

Narrator: Why?

Luigi: Because… well you are getting on my nerves.

Narrator: I'm sorry but Lord Drash said if I didn't involve myself more I'd get fired.

Luigi: Well, you involved yourself a lot, so please just do what you normally do.

Narrator: All right.

Any ways Mario and Luigi heard a noise.

Luigi: I still don't…wait. I do hear something.

Mario and Luigi jumped out of the way of a doorway as a bunch of Woohoo Hooniversity students came barreling around a corner…and crashed right into the door.

WH Students: Ow! Owie! What the? Why is the door closed?

They try to open the door; only in their stupidity the WH Guards locked it too! Now no one can get in or out!

Luigi: What idiot would make a door where it's possible to have both the inside and outside lockable?

WH Student: That would be me. Are you calling me, Bob, an idiot?

Luigi: Yes.

Bob: Okay.

Luigi: Why were you guys running away?

The other students (George, Fred, Carl, Liz, Sarah, Carol and the others, who's parents didn't name them because their parents are lazy bums that deserve to…

Luigi: You can stop now.

Narrator: Fine.

George: It was horrible! Just horrible!

Luigi: What was?

Liz: Our teachers, our teachers…gave us a lot of homework!

All the students break down crying.

Fred: Don't forget Cackletta turned them into monsters.

Carl: But that's not nearly as bad as the homework!

Luigi: What kind of homework?

Sarah: We have to laugh for a minute every day!

Luigi: You guys are just sad.

Suddenly a whole bunch of professors turned monster came screaming in.

Carol: Come on guys! Let's take them out!

The students entered battle with their professors. In the fighting Luigi saw a door that said "This way to Cackletta" Luigi shrugged and Mario began to open the door…suddenly a student was thrown into a wall knocking down a block that had a sign on it that said "To destroy please use sunlight".

Luigi: What? Sunlight?

The student got up.

Student: Oh yeah there is a sun room and a unbelievably complex set of mirrors that eventually will shine all the way over here. But first you have to set them up. Head in that direction.

He pointed to another door.

Luigi: Fine! Fine! I knew it was too easy! We didn't go on our usual long quest! Oh well, let's go Mario.

Mario: Okeydokey!

They trudge along. Fortunately there are no monsters to fight because of the big battle. Eventually they reach the sun room. In it several statues, red and blue ones, sat. Luigi saw a sign.

Luigi: Okay it says to open the sun door,

He looks at a large door.

Luigi: To open the sun door use the statues to-NO!

Mario: Whee!

Mario launches a statue at the sun door and breaks it open. A sunbeam comes through.

Luigi: Well I guess that works to. Now all we need to do is turn the mirrors.

Meanwhile, with Fawful and Cackletta…

Cackletta: Eeyah ha ha! Soon the Beanstar will be awakened! Fawful, how you doing on the Peach-bots?

She turns around and sees Fawful is working on something that doesn't look like Peach.

Fawful: Peach-bot? Oh no! Fawful has made great mistake! Soon the world will crumble and great Cackletta will rule it but Fawful will be eaten by cannibalistic muffins!

Cackletta: What are you talking about? What are those?

Fawful: I have made Fawful-bots!

Cackletta: …Why?

Fawful: I look good as a robot.

Cackletta: Die!

Cackletta blasts him with lightning.

Fawful: OWWW! I am feeling great pain but Cackletta is greater!

Cackletta: I think that is annoying.

Fawful: Sorry!

Back to Mario and Luigi…

Mario and Luigi have continued moving the mirrors around to reflect sunlight. They are on their last one. They enter a room and see…

Luigi: Oh no! Not one of those laser faces again!

Mario: Whee!

Luigi: Okay this time you take the barrel,

He hands Mario a barrel that was in the room.

Luigi: And reflect the laser. I will stand over by this disturbing statue.

Mario: Okeydokey!

Luigi: This should be good.

Mario stands on the footpad. The face shoots out a laser which bounces off the barrel, hits the statue, which explodes, sending Luigi on top of control panel, which electrocutes him.

Luigi: Ow.

Mario: Crikey!

A door opens. Mario drags Luigi into the next room. Mario sees a switch. He uses Luigi's head to hit it.

Luigi: OWWW! You are horr-What the!

A crane picks Luigi up and throws him in a barrel. Mario walks over to the barrel.

Luigi: Could you please let me out?

Mario: Okeydokey!

Mario pushes Luigi's barrel which goes rolling out to the hallway.

Luigi: AAAAAHH!

Mario: Let's-a go!

Mario follows into the hallway to see Luigi's barrel hit the last mirror, which focused the beam of light onto the block. It exploded knocking all the monsters and students out. Luigi crawls out of the barrel.

Luigi: Not cool.

Mario: Willy Wonka.

Luigi: Not going to even try and understand.

The two brothers enter the room where Cackletta is… Inside the see…Fawful-bots! And Fawful and Cackletta!

Cackletta: Oh shoot! Peach, I mean Fawful-bots activate! I hope this works…

The Fawful-bots turn on.

Fawful-bots: Eeyah ha ha! Eeyah ha ha! Eeyah ha ha! Eeyah ha ha!

Cackletta: Great.

The Beanstar wakes up. And blows through the floor!

Cackletta: Grr. Well I guess it's time we fight! Ee-AAAHHHH!

A large chunk of ceiling falls on Cackletta. Through it comes…Prince Peasley!  
Fawful: Don't worry mistress; I will suck up your essence!

Cackletta: What…No…

Fawful sucks her up with his headgear.

Fawful: And now to… run like a little bunny!

He flies through the hole in the ceiling.

Luigi: Thanks Prince but now-

Prince Peasley: I will destroy you two! Yaahh!

He tackles Mario and Luigi and they fall through the hole in the floor. They land in the basement; where Popple and Rookie were just about to steal the Beanstar!

Rookie: Luigi!

Luigi: Rookie!

Popple: Red!

Mario: Kill!

Popple: AAAHHH!

Fawful-bot: Eeyah ha ha! Eeyah ha ha! Eeyah ha ha!

Everyone: Uh oh.

They all jump on the furious Beanstar as it flies into the sky.

Mario: Whee!

He falls off!

Prince Peasley: This better not affect my shine!

He falls off!

Popple: I stole my own wallet!

He falls off!

Luigi: What?

He falls off!

Rookie: I know who I am! I am … A used car salesman from California!

He falls off! The Beanstar then breaks into four pieces and scatters over Beanbean Kingdom!


	7. Chapter 7

Mario and Luigi: Stupidstar Saga Part Seven

Oho Oasis to Beanbean Airport

Luigi crash lands on an island called Oho Oasis. Mario is stuck in some sand. Luigi gets up and sees two crabs smacking Mario. Like the good brother he is he decides to help Mario.

Luigi: HA HA! Take that Mario! Yes! This is good! Wait… NO!

Mario pops out of the ground grabs the two crabs, and tosses them at Luigi!

Mario: Take that; you cruel brother! I mean "It's-a me-a Mario!"

Luigi: Ow! Get off me! No, don't yank on my h-OW!

Eventually Luigi gets the crabs off. They scuttle into the ocean. Luigi gives Mario a few death glares. They start walking through the beach, and Luigi sees some strange round red and blue creatures…

Red Oho Jee: Oh! I am sun! Whee!

Luigi: Bizarre, they sound just like Mario!

Mario: Why you little, I mean Okeydokey!

Luigi: (Suspiciously) Are you really smarter than you let on? Are you just acting like an idiot for your own amusement? Or do you want revenge for some obscure thing I did?

Mario: Okeydokey!

Luigi: Right.

Blue Oho Jee: Stars are twinkly!

Mario and Luigi soon encounter a group of scientists.

Scientist 1: Okay now for the first experiment: How resistant are they?

They grab a red Oho Jee and then light it on fire!

Luigi: What the…?

Red Oho Jee: Fire wet! Fire wet!

Scientist 2: Interesting…Hey Steve, can you help me hook up the recorder?

Steve: Sure!

They prepare to plug in the recorder, into a tree, when suddenly a blue Oho Jee runs up and gets electrocuted by the wire!

Blue Oho Jee: Fishy! Fishy!

The red and blue Oho Jee run around until they collide with each other! They fuse and become…Purple Oho Jee!

Scientists: Fascinating!

Purple Oho Jee: Musical Number! (Singing) We are Oho Jee! Tee hee! We will dance and prance until our heads explode! Oh yes, we are Oho Jee! Tee hee! (A chorus of regular Oho Jee come in) We will rock you! We will sock you! We will turn upside down and dance with a clown because… We are Oho Jee! Tee hee!

Luigi: Mario I think we should leave…

Mario: Okeydokey!

They slip off while they scientists take notes and the Oho Jee continue singing. Eventually they come to a temple with a lightning bolt over it. They enter. They come to a fence.

Luigi: Wait… I know how to do this! Mario hit me!

Mario: Okeydokey!

Mario whacks Luigi with his hammer, sending him under the fence. Luigi pops out on the other side and heads into a doorway. Inside a big ball full of electricity resides.

Luigi: Cool!

A spirit floats into view…

Luigi: AAHHH! Ghost!

Thunder spirit: I will not hurt you! No, I want you to touch the glowing ball!

Luigi: Won't it hurt?

Thunder spirit: No…

Luigi: Well I don't want to do it!

Thunder spirit: Too bad! DO IT!

Luigi: Okay.

Luigi walks up and tentatively touches the ball.

Thunder spirit: Hee, hee! Now you will be electrocuted!

Luigi: Uh no.

Thunder spirit: What?

Luigi: After all those times I got electrocuted, I put on rubber gloves, so in your face!

Thunder spirit: Oh no! You have outsmarted me! I can only hope your brother isn't as smart!

Luigi: Him smart! HA, HA!

Luigi heads out through the now open fence.

Luigi: Okay Mario let's go!

They go to the other temple. This one has a flame symbol on it. Inside there is a tiny hole. So Luigi whacks Mario and he goes in to the tiny hole. He pops out in a room with a big flame ball. A drop of water falls on Mario, making him big again. A spirit appears.

Fire spirit: Touch the flamy ball!

Mario: You touch it!

Fire spirit: What? I am incorporeal, I can not touch it!

Mario: What's wrong, afraid?

Fire spirit: No… just nervous.

He reaches out and gets fried.

Fire spirit: Impossible! You and your brother outsmarted both of us! Meet us outside the temples. So Mario and Luigi head out of the temples. The two spirits are there.

Fire spirit: Well now we have to grant you a wish.

Mario: Mushrooms!

Thunder spirit: I don't think we can do that…

Luigi: Look just tell us how we can get to Beanbean castle town.

Fire spirit: Well there is the flooded underwater passage…

Luigi: One problem with that.

Thunder spirit: Oh? What is it?

Luigi: How are we supposed to breath underwater!

Fire spirit: Oh, you have a point.

Thunder spirit: Well we could just teleport them there…

Luigi: Fine! Just do it!

Spirits: Alright… Teleport!

Nothing happens.

Spirits: Um I guess we'll have to fly over there.

The Spirits grab Mario and Luigi and start flying towards the castle. They pass over the still singing Oho Jee…

Singing Oho Jee: Fish's are sweet and muffins are neat but nothing compares to us! We Are Oho Jee. Tee Hee!

Luigi: Bizarre.

Meanwhile deep in Stardust fields…

Fawful stumbles on an unconscious Bowser.

Fawful: Oh mistress, will this one do?

Cackletta: YES! Just pick a person to put my essence in already! This is the eighth person we ran into!

Fawful: Here you go!

Cackletta's essence pours into Bowser…

Bowletta: Hee hee, Ha Ha! I'm incredibly disturbing!

Fawful: Of course mistress.

Beanbean Castle…

The spirits drop Mario and Luigi off. A Beanbean person runs up to them.

Beanbean Person: Oh good, you're here! You must go to the airport, Princess Peach is landing!

Luigi: Great! Let's go.

On the way to the Beanbean Airport…

Luigi: Why is it impossible for us to relax? As soon as we solve one problem we encounter another! And another! I feel terribly rushed.

Mario: Shut up.

Luigi: What?

Mario: Whoops, uh Crikey!

Luigi: Fine. Be that way.

At the Beanbean Airport…

Lady Lima: Oh good you are here!

Luigi looks around and sees several Piranha Plants and a big egg in the run way.

Luigi: What's up with that stuff?

Lady Lima: We don't like gardening.

Luigi: Right.

Princess Peach's airplane suddenly comes flying in and squashes all the plants.

Lady Lima: Oh poo! I liked those plants! Well anyways, Mario, Luigi please meet us back at the castle!

Luigi: What! We were just at the stupid castle! Ugh, let's go.

Beanbean Castle…

Mario and Luigi finally get back. Queen Bean greets them.

Queen Bean: Hello! For some reason Prince Peasley isn't here but I'm sure he's fine. Anyways here's Princess Peach!

Princess Peach walks in and prepares to talk…

Luigi: Wait! When she talks, explosives come out!

Princess Peach: Oh don't worry, one of the Toads that likes wearing women's clothes dressed up as me that day.

Luigi: Wait; don't they all enjoy wearing women's clothes?

Princess Peach: Oh you're so silly! Come Luigi, Let's talk.

And so they head into the castle.

Meanwhile…

Prince Peasley: All right everyone, calm down. The first meeting of Mario Bros. Haters Anonymous is in order. Border Bros. Please tell us the plan for today.

Border Bro 1: Alright so let's take roll call first…Minecart guy?

Minecart guy: Here.

Border Bro 1: Several Beanbean guards?

Beanbean guards: Present.

Border Bro 1: Popple?

Popple: Thief! I mean here.

Border Bro 1: Bubbles?

Bubbles: Here.

Border Bros 2: Well everyone else is out trying to find the Bros. Let's go to Step 1 of our program: Destroying the Mario Bros.!

All: Gwa ha ha! We will have our revenge!


	8. Chapter 8

Mario and Luigi: Stupidstar Saga: Part Eight: Teehee Valley, Little Fungitown and Guffawha Ruins

After greeting Princess Peach and heading back to the castle the Mario Bros. enter the throne room where Lady Lima, Peach, Queen Bean, and Toadsworth are all waiting for them.

Lady Lima: Oh good! You're here! I've wanted to talk to you for a while!

Luigi: What about?

Lady Lima: Well know that the Cackletta problem is taken care of-Yes Luigi?

Luigi: What do you mean taken care of? Fawful sucked up her essence and ran off.

Lady Lima: How dare you interrupt me!

Luigi: But you said I could talk!

Lady Lima: Insolence! Be quiet! Now as I was saying, now that the Cackletta problem is gone I needed another way to keep you here, I mean I found out that there is a town of Toads you should go to, in Beanbean Kingdom! (Whispering to herself) I can't let them go back to the Mushroom Kingdom, we're still conquering it!

Luigi: What did you say? Did any one else hear what she said?

Unfortunately Peach was to busy flirting with Mario and Queen Bean was to busy smiling. Oh and Toadsworth is old so his hearing isn't too good.

Lady Lima: So it's agreed! The Mario Bros. will escort Princess Peach to Little Fungitown!

Luigi: Great.

Lady Lima: By the way have you seen Prince Peasley?

Meanwhile in the Mario Haters Anonymous (MHA) Secret Headquarters…

Prince Peasley: So you two are saying you'd like to join Mario Haters Anonymous?

Cork: Yes! They said we didn't have French accents our barrel game was stupid and tricked us into a locked room! Wait; there is something not right there…

Prince Peasley: Don't worry about it, now any questions before I give you your mission?

Cask: Yes! Why did you blindfold us when you took us here?

Prince Peasley: It's a secret Headquarters! You can't know where it-

Suddenly Queen Bean opens the door.

Queen Bean: Oh my! You should have told me you were having friends come over, I would have made snacks!

Prince Peasley: Mom, please we're trying to destroy the Mario Bros.!

Queen Bean: Oh, can't you do that outside? You spend too much time in your stuffy room! Why don't you play with your flying Bean thing?

Prince Peasley: It's a Hoverseat and I'm very busy!

Queen Bean: Fine but I'm going to open these curtains! It's to dark in here!

Prince Peasley: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

She opens the curtains, giving everyone in Beanbean Kingdom (Including the Mario Bros. as they leave the castle grounds) a clear view inside Peasley's bedroom!

Queen Bean: There! That's better!

She leaves. Peasley jumps up and shuts the curtain. Cork and Cask are left speechless.

Prince Peasley: Now where was I? Ah yes, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get to the entrance to Little Fungitown and intercept the Mario Bros., and destroy them! A few Guards are coming with you.

Cork: But that's impossible!

Cask: Right! It is an Impossible Mission!

Both: We accept!

Prince Peasley: Good!

At the Entrance to Teehee Valley…

Mario, Luigi, Peach and Toadsworth are unable to get inside Teehee Valley because a huge rock blocks there path.

Luigi: Odd, I feel like I've done this before…

Flashback…

Fawful: Eeyah Ha ha! This rock of bigness will prevent you from going any farther! (Or something like that)

Flash forward…

Sledge: We'll give you a rock smashing hammer!

End back of flash, I mean flashback…

Luigi: Strange I feel like my memories off… Oh well, I think we need to find the Hammer-

: Hammer Bros.!

Luigi: What the?

Sledge and Mallet suddenly jump out of a bush

Mallet: You rang?

Luigi: How long were you behind the bush?

Sledge: Well ever since those big mean Border Bros. broke a hole through our roof, we've been in the market for a new home!

Mallet: Yeah! This bush is our newest one! I don't like it though, it is too green.

Luigi: Right, wait didn't your other house have a huge hole in the floor?

Sledge: Yep!

Luigi: Yet, because there was one in the roof you moved out.

Mallet: Correct!

Luigi: Whatever, look could you help us?

Sledge: Looks like you're in need of some Super Hammers!

Luigi: Isn't that an upgrade of hammers that we already have?

Mallet: Yes-wait, when did you get hammers? We never gave you any.

Luigi: Um, well you see…

Sledge: Did you STEAL our hammers!

Luigi: Well um…

Mallet: Did you knock the Border Patrol Bros. off the mountain and into our house, BREAKING said house as a ploy to steal the hammers?

Mario: Crikey!

Sledge: Oh, okay! Here's some Super Hammers!

They give the Mario Bros. some more powerful hammers. They leave. Mario smashes open the entrance to Teehee Valley.

Luigi: Wait, what just happened there? How did you do that Mario?

Mario: It's-a me-a Mario!

Luigi: Right, no coherent answers possible from you or any one else in this stupid Kingdom.

At the entrance to Little Fungitown…

Cork: All right guards, are you ready?

Guards: For what?

Cask: Mario and Luigi of course!

Guard: What about them?

Cork: Hello! Don't you remember, we're supposed to stop them?

Guard: Why bother, the big monster will get them.

Cask: Big monster?

Guard: Right behind you.

They turn around.

Cork and Cask: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

At the Entrance to Teehee Valley…

Toadsworth: Now I want you to carry the Princess and make sure she's always in shade and-

Luigi: How are we supposed to keep her in shade? We're in a desert!

Toadsworth: Figure something out! Now as I was saying: Have snacks every twenty minutes, tell her she's really cute and above all else take good care of the Princess! I need to go.

Luigi: Where?

Toadsworth: You're not old enough yet to understand.

Luigi: Okay that alone makes me not want to know.

Toadsworth: Bye!

He leaves. Peach stares at Luigi.

Luigi: What?

Peach: Carry me!

Luigi: Me? Why? Mario's your boyfriend!

Peach: You're right! Carry us both!

Luigi: What! No way! I am not going to do this.

Later…

Luigi: I can't believe I'm doing this.

Luigi is struggling to carry both Mario and Peach.

Peach: Stop!

Luigi: What now?

Peach: It's been twenty minutes and I want my snack!

Luigi: Fine!

Luigi unceremoniously dumps them on the ground.

Peach: Ow! Why you! I demand that you sit on that!

She points at what appears to be a rock with a big spike on top of it.

Luigi: No!

Peach: Fine! Then you don't get the snack!

Luigi: (Grumble)

He kicks the rock. It pops up! It's not a rock, it is a Gritty Goomba!

Gritty Goomba: Ow! Just because I'm small, doesn't mean you can kick me around! Take this!

He jumps all over the Pasta Peach was preparing for Mario.

Mario: OO! PAIN!

He grabs Luigi and the Goomba.

Luigi: Uh oh.

A little bit later…

Luigi is sitting on the pointy spike on the Goomba, while Peach sits on Luigi. Mario is behind them, occasionally kicking Luigi and the Goomba.

Luigi: Ow. Wait a sign!

The sign reads "Entrance to Little Fungitown just ahead, Entrance to Guffawha Ruins to the left."

Luigi: Finally!

He jumps off the Goomba and punts it. Then Mario lets Peach down. They go past the sign…when suddenly they are attacked by a large tree!

All: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Trunkle (The tree): Smash!

Trunkle picks up the KO'd bodies of the guards and Cork and Cask and throws them at Mario, Peach and Luigi. Mario skillfully deflects them, by using Luigi as a shield!

Luigi: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Trunkle roars and an elevator squashes him flat!

Luigi: What the?

A pair of Toads gets off.

Toad: Look its Mario!

Toad 2: Let's take them to our town!

Peach: Oh Mario, you're my hero!

Luigi: Yeah, sure he is.

Peach: Oh good, I'm glad you agree with me!

Luigi: Sigh…

Inside Little Fungitown…

Toad: As you can see we live on giant mushrooms!

Luigi: Aren't you worried you'll fall off or the mushrooms will break?

Toad: No, the people on Isle Delfino did it and for some reason, there is an invisible wall that prevents us from falling off!

Luigi: I see.

Peach: I want a present!

Luigi: For what?

Peach: I hiked all the way here, I think I deserve SOMETHING for my troubles!

Luigi: I carried you all the way here!

Peach: Why you! I'm not speaking to you anymore!

Luigi: Thank goodness!

Toad: The highlights of our town are its hospital and arcade!

Luigi: Doesn't that say something about a place? When one of the main highlights is a hospital?

Toad: It's not our fault! Some people are allergic to Mushrooms!

Luigi: Right.

Peach: I want to see the hospital!

Mario: Pasta!

Toad: Okay, I'll escort Mario and Luigi to the arcade!

Luigi: When did anyone say anything about an arcade!

At the Arcade…

Really loud Toad guy: We have a new thing in! An Invincishroom! It makes people sick-I mean invincible and restores them to tiptop fighting ability!

Toads: YAY!

They go in and meet the Arcade owner.

Luigi: How do we get the Invincishroom?

Arcade owner: You must get a score on the only game that actually works that is over 200! Wait are you the Mario Bros.?

Luigi: Yes.

Arcade owner: Well because you guys are so good at games, you need to beat 546!

Luigi: WHAT!

Mario: Crikey!

Mario whacks the guy in the back of the head. Then he grabs the green Invincishroom! A bunch of security guards pop up.

Security: You can't do that! Prepare to be "escorted" out of Little Fungitown!

A fight ensues. The Arcade collapses.

Luigi: Oh shoot! I just know I'm going to be blamed for this and you're going to get away scot-free!

Mario: Okeydokey!

Mario pops the Invincishroom in his mouth.

Mario: XX!

He collapses!

Luigi: Mario? What's going on? Mario!

At the hospital…

Doctor: Yep, no doubt about it. He has Italianitis!

Luigi: What's that?

Doctor: It makes people fat, wear strange clothing, and have a weird obsession with Pasta and Mushrooms.

Luigi: He's always like that! He's Mario!

Doctor: Oh well I better take a closer look then.

Peach: Is he going to be okay?

Doctor: No.

Peach: Oh poo! Now I need another boyfriend.

She looks Luigi up and down.

Peach: No, too ugly.

Luigi: Hey!

Peach: How about, Wario! He's rich, and I'm sure he likes me!

Doctor: Well it looks like Mario has Bean Fever!

Luigi: What's that?

Doctor: Well it's not common but if we don't act fast, in three days Mario will become a Walnut!

Luigi: Why is it called Bean Fever then?

Doctor: Well the guy who first got it, really liked Beans!

Luigi: Right. There is no cure right? (Please)

Doctor: There is! Crabby Grass in Guffawha Ruins! But be warned: A really scary statue lives there!

Luigi: Well shoot! I'm not going to get it!

Peach: Oh yes you are!

Luigi: Why do you care? I thought you were going to date Wario!

Peach: Well I want Mario more, yellow clashes with pink! That's why I hate Daisy.

Luigi: Why do I have to get it? He's your boyfriend!

Peach: Well I have to stay here! Just in case you're too late, I better get things prepared for Wario!

Luigi: Fine!

Luigi leaves.

Luigi: Well, I have three days, so I can take my sweet time.

He casually strolls past a house. Suddenly a big blast of fire shoots through a hole in the roof. Luigi faces a Toad.

Luigi: Who lives there?

Toad: Psycho Kamek.

Luigi: Don't you mean Psychic Kamek?

Suddenly Kamek pops out of the house with a manic look in his eye!  
Kamek: I need to hypnotize! I'm all out of victims!

Toad: No I mean Psycho Kamek.

Kamek spots Luigi.

Kamek: Ah! An Italian! Here come to my house!

He drags Luigi into his house.

Kamek: So what seems to be troubling you?

Luigi tells him about Mario's Bean Fever.

Kamek: I see. Well let me see what I can do. You are getting very sleepy!

Luigi: No wait! I don't want to be ZZZZZZZZZZ.

He falls asleep.

Kamek: Now would be the perfect time to have some fun! When I wave my wand you are now …The Heroic Chicken!

He waves his wand.

Luigi: (Chicken noises)

He jumps up and starts flapping his arms heroically.

Kamek: Okay now you are a Koopa!

He starts walking, into a wall, over and over.

Kamek: Ha, ha! I haven't had this much fun in ages! Now you are a tree!

And so it went, for hours. Eventually Kamek got very tired.

Kamek: (Pant, pant) Now you are a Yoshi.

He passes out.

Luigi: Yoshi!

He bounds out of the house and runs into a toad.

Toad: Hey aren't you supposed to get Crabby Grass from Guffawha Ruins over there for Mario?

Luigi: Yoshi!

Toad: Right.

As Luigi heads towards Guffawha Ruins, he goes into a house and grabs some rocks from out side, a bucket, some tape, some paint, and a rope. He tapes the bucket to his back, so it appears he has a Yoshi shell then he paints himself green and the "shell" red. Then he takes six of the biggest rocks and ties them together in a line then ties the end of the rope to his belt for his "eggs". Then he walks out of the house.

Everyone in town: HA HA HA HA! Look at the loser!

Luigi: Yoshi?

He runs out of town and down the elevator. Then he heads over to Guffawha Ruins. However it appears the entrance is locked! No problem, he just broke it down with some rocks. He runs into several enemies.

Chuck Guy: What the? What is wrong with you?

Luigi: Yoshi!

He throws rocks at every enemy he sees.

Enemies: OW! Big bully!

They all run away.

Luigi: Yoshi!

Soon Luigi comes to a bunch of blocks floating that eventually lead up to a door. He jumps to all of them. No need to solve complicated puzzles when you can jump real high! Soon he comes to a scary statue.

Statue: Whoa! What's wrong with you?

Luigi: Yoshi!

Statue: Crazy kid. Any ways I need you to do something for me. I want you to stand on those moving platforms and jump to them while I shoot fireballs at you.

Luigi: Yoshi!

Statue: NOOOO!

Luigi tosses several rocks at the statue causing it to break apart. A door opens. Luigi heads inside and finds Crabby Grass! Then he goes in a pipe which warps him back to Little Fungitown! He immediately runs toward the hospital, when he gets struck by lightning! The paint and the bucket fall off and the rocks break to pieces.

Luigi: What the? What happened?

He sees the Crabby Grass clutched in his hand.

Luigi: Wow! I must have sleepwalked all the way to Guffawha Ruins and grabbed the Grass! Why do I have an immense desire for fruit?

He runs forward only to be stopped by Bowser's Clown Car! And inside is Princess Peach!

Peach: Save me!

Luigi: Bowser!

Somebody pops up but it seems oddly feminine…

Bowletta: Ha, I'm not Bowser!

Luigi: Oh my god Bowser, what did you do to yourself!

Bowletta: I'm not Bowser! I'm Bowletta!

Luigi: Jeez, you're changing you're name too? Hey but if you're like that, why do you always kidnap Princess Peach?

Bowletta: You fool! I'm Cackletta! I took Bowser's body!

Luigi: Eew!

Fawful: Come great Cackletta! It is not time for the MUSTARD of DOOM to fall on this fool!

They leave, with Peach.

Luigi: Well that was incredibly disturbing. I guess now that Peach is gone I don't have to cure Mario. But I better check to see how long it is before he becomes a Walnut.

Luigi heads to the hospital. Inside he sees a perfectly healthy Mario playing a Gameboy!

Luigi: What the? Why is he okay?

Doctor: Oh it turns out he was faking!

Luigi: What! Why you little! How could you!

Mario: It's-a me-a Mario!

Luigi: Grr. Well while you were in here faking Peach got kidnapped by the incredibly wrong Bowletta!

Mario: Crikey!

Luigi: I think we better head back to the castle to see what we can do.

So they head to Beanbean Castle.

Meanwhile at MHA secret Headquarters…

Prince Peasley: Grr. I can't believe Cork and Cask failed me. I better get better plans! Mario Bros. you will pay! HA, HA!

Queen Bean: Keep it down in there!

Prince Peasley: Yes Mother.


	9. Chapter 9

Mario and Luigi: Stupidstar Saga Part 9: The First Piece of the Beanstar

After Princess Peach got kidnapped by the incredibly disturbing Bowletta the Mario Brothers decided to head back to the castle.

At the castle…

Luigi: Lady Lima, Princess Peach got kidnapped by Bowletta!

Lady Lima: That's nice. Oh Toadsworth! This Coffee is divine! Wherever did you get it?

Toadsworth: I braved a thousand dangers for it!

Lady Lima: Isn't that a bit much?

Toadsworth: Anything for you my dear.

Luigi: There is a coffee shop down the street.

Lady Lima: Be quiet you impertinent peasant! Come let us play Bean Polo!

Luigi: Hello! What happened to getting rid of Cackletta, well Bowletta now.

Lady Lima: Oh who cares?

Toadsworth: By the way, where is Princess Peach?

Luigi: I just told you!

Toadsworth: What did you just say?

Luigi: Bowletta kidnapped her!

Toadsworth: Well if that's the case you should be out rescuing her rather than lazing about in here!

Luigi: …You guys are hopeless.

Suddenly a BB Person ran in.

BB Person: Hey a really freaky turtle thing flew by and dropped this!

He holds up a Gameboy Advance.

Luigi: Bowletta!

Toadsworth: I'm sorry Luigi but I believe that is a Gameboy. Ooohh! It has a game in it! Odd, I never heard of secret message before.

Luigi: That must be a message from Bowletta!

Toadsworth: Well I'll give it a try!

He turns it on. A holographic image of Bowletta appears.

Bowletta: You fools! I want the Beanstar! It split into four, into four, into four…

Toadsworth is messing with the controls.

Toadsworth: This isn't a very fun game.

Luigi: Stop pressing buttons!

Toadsworth: Oh this must be the intro to the game!

Bowletta: pieces and I want you to find them…Fawful, stop making Fawful-bots!

Fawful: (In the background) I'm sorry mistress but Peach said she wanted some along with some ketchup and MUSTARD of DOOM!

Peach: No I didn't!

Fawful: Shut up!

Bowletta: Anyways I'll contact you again as soon as you get the four pieces.

Toadsworth: Can I play now?

Lady Lima: Oh Toadsworth, lets play-Oh no!

Toadsworth: What's wrong?

Lady Lima: Nothing! (Whispering) Oh shoot I got distracted by Toadsworth! Mushroom Kingdom isn't going to conquer itself; I need to get rid of all of these people.

Luigi: What are you saying now! Something about conquering…

Lady Lima: So who wants to look for the first Beanstar piece?

Mario: Whee!

Lady Lima: Good a volunteer!  
Luigi: He volunteered, not me!

Lady Lima: Oh good both brothers have volunteered!

Luigi: I didn't volunteer!

Lady Lima: Now since we don't know where the pieces are I guess we'll just have to have you stumble aimlessly around the Kingdom until you find them.

Suddenly Queen Bean walks in holding Prince Peasley.

Queen Bean: Now that's enough time in your room! I want you to play with these nice boys!

Prince Peasley: But mom, they my arch enemies!

Queen Bean: I don't care! Look they have a "treasure" map with them! Why don't you play that?

Prince Peasley: But Mom, I was going to get all the Beanstar Pieces together and use the Star to destroy them!

Luigi: So you know where they are?

Prince Peasley: Yes.

Luigi: How?

Prince Peasley: Uh, I'm not at liberty to divulge that information.

Luigi: Fine. Then can you just tell us where they are?

Prince Peasley: No.

Queen Bean: Now son, play nicely with the other boys or it's time for you to go to bed.

Prince Peasley: But Mom, it's 2:00 in the afternoon!

Queen Bean: Oh, that's right, that nice show, Beanie the Purple Bean, is on now…

Prince Peasley: Ok, I get your point! Fine Luigi, I'll mark where they are on your map.

Luigi: You know, if you want to get them we'll stay here…

Prince Peasley: I'll bet you 99,999,999 mushroom coins that I'll get all the pieces before you do.

Luigi: You're on!

Prince Peasley leaves.

Toadsworth: I suggest getting the one in Teehee Valley first!

Luigi: Why?

Toadsworth: Because you were just there!

Luigi: Fine, we'll go there first.

And so the Mario Bros. head off for a return trip to Teehee Valley…

Meanwhile at MHA Headquarters…

Prince Peasley: Yes, the Mario Bros. are off getting the Beanstar Pieces for me! I've already sent Popple to find one, I'll go get one of the others, and I'll send someone to follow Mario and Luigi. When they get their piece, my minions shall take it from them! But who to send?

Border Patrol Bros. 1: Might I suggest our new members, the Arcade Owner and his Security?

Prince Peasley: Good call! Well, are you up to the challenge?

Arcade Owner: Oh yes!

Prince Peasley: Good! Now before I go after one of the pieces, I have reason to believe one is in the hands of your brother, right Bubbles?

Bubbles: Yes, my non-joke discipled brother, Boddle, has one.

Prince Peasley: Is he willing to trade for it?

Bubble: I don't know.

Prince Peasley: Well go there and find out! Send me a letter when you do know, and stay there to keep an  
eye on the Mario Bros!

Bubbles: Yes sir!

Queen Bean calls up to them.

Queen Bean: Would you boys like some snacks?

Border Patrol Bros. 2: Uh, well, Prince Peasley, I would like a snack. If it's okay with you, of course!

Arcade Owner: Yeah, evil plotting is hungry work!

Prince Peasley: Fine. Yes Mom, we would! Could you bring it up here?

Queen Bean: What do you think I am, your maid? I'm not going to let you eat it up there! You'll make a mess! You're eating in the kitchen!

Prince Peasley: Come on, Mom! We won't spill!

Queen Bean: Oh, I've heard that before! Remember that big stain on my throne? And the one on the Royal Couch? That took forever to get rid of!

MHA Members: (Hee hee!)

Prince Peasley: Shut up, you guys! Come on, Mom, you're embarrassing me!

Queen Bean: I don't care!

Prince Peasley: Fine! We'll eat it down there!

Queen Bean: Good!

Inside Teehee Valley…

Luigi: Well, according to this map, we need to go right.

Mario: Okeydokey!

Luigi: Wow! You're not killing me! I like it!

Mario: Whee!

Soon they come to a large ship, in the desert.

Luigi: What the? How did that get here? We're in the desert. Wait! I see something glowing up on top of it!

They climb up the side of the ship. On the deck they spot a piece of the Beanstar!

Luigi: Yes! This is going to be easy!

Just before they can grab it, two sailors come out of the ship. The sailors are… skeletons!

Sailor 1: So this is the shiny thing that broke our hatch!

Sailor 2: Let's take it!

Sailor 1: Yeah, maybe it's edible!

They take the Beanstar Piece and run down into the ship.

Luigi: Were those guys… skeletons!

Mario: Crikey!

Luigi: We have to get that piece!

They go into the ship. Inside they see dozens of skeleton sailors! After Luigi gets over the wiggins he gets, they follow the Beanstar-snatching sailors down to the ships hold. Once there, however, they find the way blocked by a sailor.

Sailor 3: No way are you getting in there! You still have skin! How creepy!

Luigi: Look who's talking!

Sailor 3: If you want to get in there you have to talk to the captain!

Luigi: Fine.

So they head to the captain.

Captain: AH! Skinnies!

Luigi: What?

Captain: That's what we call your kind! We used to be like you once. We were carrying a load of Chuckola Cola, and we decided it would be fun to crash into a rock. Our ship ran aground. We tried to push it but we got confused and pushed it the wrong way. So we decided to stay here until the water came and carried us back into the sea. We've been here so long we've become skeletons!

Luigi: Wouldn't you be dead then?

Captain: Dead? What is dead?

Luigi: Right… You do realize this is a desert, right? There isn't going to be any water here.

Captain: HA HA HA! Such a joker.

Luigi: Just be quiet. Now I want to know how to get in the ship's hold.

Captain: Ah, that! Well to get in there you need a Membership Card. You can only get that by helping the ship! Just walk around until you find something that needs help.

Luigi: Okay.

They walk around talking to some sailors.

Sailor 4: Bloat is such an ostaf.

Luigi: What?

Sailor 4: You can't figure that out! Jeez you're dumb! Just turn it around!

Luigi: Oh. You are a complete norom.

Sailor 4: What?

Luigi: Hee hee.

They were walking along when suddenly, a Hoohoo girl comes shooting out of a room.

Hoohoo Girl: Too many round shapes! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Sailor 5: Yeah, well we didn't need you anyway! Hey, you two!

Luigi: Us?

Sailor 5: Yeah! We need your help!

Luigi: Okay.

They follow him into a room with a lot of barrels and a large skeleton.

Sailor 5: All right, you two, if you have any questions, just ask Barrel Boy here.

Big Skeleton: Uh, my name isn't Barrel Boy, it's-

Sailor 5: Be quiet, Barrel Boy!

He leaves.

Luigi: So what do we do?

Big Skeleton: You organize the barrels by color, using a complex set of gears and pulleys, within 100 seconds. If you don't make it I will mix them up again.

Luigi: What? What's in the barrels?

Big Skeleton: Nothing.

Luigi: So what's the point of organizing them?

Big Skeleton: There is none.

Luigi: It's just mindless labor designed to keep us busy for no reason?

Big Skeleton: Yep!

Luigi: I got a better idea.

Big Skeleton: What?

Luigi: How about I organize you?

Big Skeleton: Huh?

Luigi tosses a barrel at him, and he crumbles into dust. They leave.

Sailor 5: Are you done?

Luigi: Yes, in a way.

Sailor 5: Good! Here's your card.

Luigi: Thank you.

Mario and Luigi go down to the hold and show their card. Inside the hold they see two sailors preparing to eat the Beanstar!

Luigi: NO! Don't do that!

Sailor 1: Why not?

Luigi: Um, because, uh… It's radioactive!

Sailor 2: What!

Luigi: Yeah, it's very dangerous. So why don't I take that off your hands?

Sailor 1: Only if you can get Bloat out of that crack!

He points to a fat skeleton that is stuck in a crack in the ship.

Bloat: FAT! HEE HA!

Luigi: How'd he get so fat?

Sailor 2: He drank to much Chuckola Cola!

Luigi: Okay, three questions: how can you get fat from drinking soda, how did he get in that crack in the first place, and how can a skeleton possibly get fat?

Bloat: I have explosives!

He takes out a large tub of dynamite, and lights it!

Bloat: I'll blow myself out!

Sailor 1: NOOO! Chuckola Cola is flammable!

BOOM!

Mario and Luigi land on a beach. They are greeted by a couple of fat beach girl creature things.

Beach Girl 1: Welcome to Gwarhar Lagoon.

Beach Girl 2: What strange clothes to wear to a beach.

Luigi: Huh?

Another Beach Girl runs in.

Beach Girl 3: Hey, Hermie just found a weird glowy rock thing and he's putting it on his shell!

Beach Girls: OOH! Let's go see!

They run off. Luigi and Mario stumble to their feet and start walking randomly. Soon they come to a large building with a sign that says "Welcome to the Jellyfish sisters Gigi and Merri's massage place. Get massaged for only 100 coins!" So they head in.

At the secretary's desk…

Secretary: Get massaged for only 200 coins per person!

Luigi: But the sign said 100…

Secretary: Well the sign lied! Pay up or beat up.

A group of large thugs come up behind the Brothers.

Luigi: We'll pay!

Secretary: Good! 400 coins please. Thank you, now please sit in the next room and wait.

They go in the next room and sit down. Within five minutes two Jellyfish ladies show up.

Gigi: Oh good, customers! Let us massage your hands!

Luigi: Okay!

The massage begins. Soon Luigi's hand seems to glow with electricity, and Mario's becomes on fire!

Merri: Oh my! You know the Thunderhand and Firebrand!

Luigi: We do? We must have learned it back at those temples somehow…

Gigi: Let us teach you some moves that you can do!

Gigi hits a button, sending the Mario Bros. down into the basement. The Jellyfish Sisters float down.

Luigi: What's going on?

Merri: We're going to teach you some new moves!

Luigi: Do we have learn them?

Gigi: Learn up, or beat up.

Luigi: Fine.

Merri: The first move is Fire Tickle. Mario, get behind Luigi and blast him with your Firebrand.

Luigi: What? NOOO!

He tries to move but Mario is too fast. He grabs the back of Luigi's overalls and then blasts him.

Luigi: AAAAHHHH! The pain! Make it stop!

He runs around the room very fast until Mario runs out of fire.

Merri: See, this move is not only very funny, but it makes you move very fast.

Luigi: What's that thing you do if you catch fire? Ah yes, SWK.

Gigi: SWK?

Luigi: Stop, Whack, and then Kill whoever set you on fire!

Gigi: Wait! It's your turn now, Luigi! You get to learn Thunder Tickle!

Luigi: Okay.

Gigi: You get behind Mario and shock him.

Luigi: Cool!

Luigi shocks Mario. Mario turns around and punches him.

Luigi: Ow…

Gigi: This move allows you to walk in a straight line, backwards!

Merri: Now that you've mastered our moves, it's time for you to use them to get us two Pearl Beans.

Luigi: No.

Gigi: Then it's time to be…

Luigi: Yes I know, beat up. However, I just wanted to tell you that my brother thinks your cute and wants to take you on a date.

Mario: What!

Gigi: With him! EEEEEEEEWWWWW! Get out! Get out!

They get out. Now that they are no longer dazed they decide to find Hermie and the Beanstar Piece. Soon, however, they run into a fat Koopa that is blocking their way.

Fat Koopa: You can't knock me down.

Luigi: Okay. Can you move?

Fat Koopa: You can't knock me down.

Luigi: Okay… Hey look, I'm over there!

Luigi points at a bush behind the Koopa. It runs over to it.

Fat Koopa: You can't knock me down.

The Koopa falls down on the bush.

Fat Koopa: You can't get me up.

Mario and Luigi walk by him. They come to what looks like parts of a bridge, and a statue of a Boo that disappears when you get close to it.

Luigi: What do we do? Wait, no Mario!

Mario picks him up and throws him in the water.

Luigi: Help! I'm drowning! I'm… wait, the water is knee deep.

They wade across. After much of the same they arrive to where the three Beach Girls are decorating what looks like a Giant Hermit Crab's shell like a Christmas tree. On the top of it they see the Beanstar Piece!

Luigi: Hey, Hermie! Give us that rock!

Hermie: Huh? Hey lookth, it's Santa Clauth!

Beach Girls: Really! Let's touch him!

They run over to Mario and start poking him.

Luigi: No! He's not Santa Claus!

Hermie: Lookth! One of Santa's elfths!

Beach Girls: OOH! Get him too!

They start poking him too.

Arcade Owner: Stop what you're doing! We're here to take the Beanstar Piece!

The Arcade Owner and his Security Guards appear!

Luigi: What are you guys doing here?

Arcade Owner: We are the new members of the Mario Haters Anonymous club! Our secret leader sent us to get the Beanstar Piece from you. We've been following you since Teehee Valley! We tried to get it on the ship but it exploded! Now, rather than wait for you to lose it again, we'll just take it!

Luigi: Wow, a whole club of people who hates us. That's kind of depressing. Who's your secret leader?

Arcade Owner: I'll never divulge Prince Peasley leadership. Whoops.

Hermie: Lookth! Decorationths!

He grabs them in his claws. The Beach Girls wrap them entirely in tinsel and glue them to Hermie's shell.

Luigi: Right. Can we have the Beanstar Piece now?

Hermie: Thankth for the presenths, Santa! You can have the shiny rock!

Hermie knocks down the piece. Mario and Luigi say goodbye and leave before Hermie realizes that he's no Santa. Now that Luigi knows of Prince Peasley's club and what he's going to do with the Beanstar, he has to keep on extra hard guard. Or he can rely on blind luck and people mistaking Mario for Santa Claus to scrape through. Whichever works.


	10. Chapter 10

Mario and Luigi Stupidstar Saga Part Ten: 2, 3, 4 Beanstar Pieces Galore!

Luigi looks at their map. He and Mario have just gotten back to the Beanbean Kingdom and are now preparing to grab another Beanstar piece.

Luigi: I guess we should head over to the one by the airport. It's by a place labeled "Harhall's Studio". Okay, Mario?

Mario: FIRE!

Luigi: I'll take that as a yes.

They walk down there, doing the usual, you know, wading through water, running away from flying Beans, until they get to a tree with a cage hanging down from it. In the cage is a…

Luigi: The Beanstar Piece!

Suddenly a person comes running out of a nearby clearing.

Beanbean Person: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I can't do it! I'm not good enough!

A second, considerably fatter one, waddles out moaning.

Fat Beanbean person: Oooh. I had to drink WATER! The horror!

Luigi: Okay. That's strange.

Mario and Luigi then decide to try to open the cage. Unfortunately they can't. Just as Mario decides that maybe the best way would be to throw Luigi into the cage, a third person runs out. A taller, feminine person yells to Mario and Luigi.

Harhall: Oh good! More helpers!

Luigi: Uh, wait. Why should we help you?

Harhall: Because I'll give you the shiny rock!

Luigi: Okay! Thank, Miss!

Harhall: … Miss? Did you just call Harhall Miss?

Luigi: Um, yes.

Harhall: YOU FOOL! I am no woman!

Mario and Luigi reel back from this slightly uncomfortable burst of sound.

Luigi: I'm sorry! You just look like a girl and you ARE wearing what appears to be lipstick!

Harhall: Oh. Well as long as you didn't MEAN it, then I guess it's okay.

She, I mean HE, leads them into a clearing. The clearing has a hose, a water pump, and three pipes over a cliff. Past the cliff a ways is an island with a shirt stuck up on it.

Harhall: Okay, what I want you to do is very simple. First, one of you must drink enough water from the pump, and ONLY the pump, so that you become fat.

Mario looks at Luigi.

Luigi: Oh no, I'm not doing it! I know what happens next, I'll have to get whacked in the head so all the water comes out! Well forget that!

Mario begins trying to push Luigi towards the pump. Luigi struggles so Mario takes out his hammer and swings. Luigi dodges and Mario hits the water pump, breaking it.

Harhall: OO!

Luigi: Uh, sorry?

Mario: WHEEE!

Harhall: Why you, you… naughty people! You broke my pump! NOW what will I do?

Luigi: Uh, use the hose?

Harhall: Why… why that sounds like a brilliant idea! Okay! Continuing with instructions.

Luigi: Phew.

Harhall: Now colorful Bob-ombs will be coming out of these pipes. I call them Delightfully Yummy Equipment, or D.Y.E. for short! Isn't that so funny you could dye! HA HA!

Luigi: Uh, right. So they're edible?

Harhall: No, just colorful. Look, if I called them anything else it wouldn't be so funny!

Luigi: Okay…

Harhall: Now as I was saying, you must hit the bombs with a jet of water to knock them on the shirt. The first wave will be colored ones and the second will have design ones. Use those to make the shirt.

Luigi: Uh, wouldn't it be easier if the shirt was over here, and we dyed it normally?

Harhall: Are YOU the brilliant fashion designer?

Luigi: No…

Harhall: Then shut up! Now if you screw up Bleetch will make it all white again!

Luigi: Who's Bleetch?

Harhall: I am!

Luigi: I thought you were Harhall.

Bleetch: I am, but I'm also Bleetch!

Luigi: You DO realize you're insane, right?

Harhall: Am not!

Luigi: Fine! You're not!

Harhall: HA! Showed you.

Luigi: Yeah. You showed me. How is Bleetch going to make it white?

Harhall: Magic!

Luigi: Right…

Harhall: Look, just do it, okay?

Luigi: Fine.

Harhall: Design bombs, come forth!

A trio of colorful Bob-ombs come out of the pipes. Luigi looks at Mario to see if he'll help. Mario is too busy, however, trying to see how many blades of grass there are in the clearing. Luigi picks up the hose.

Harhall: Okay, just any design will do.

Luigi takes the hose and blasts the bombs onto the shirt. They make a horrible splatter shape on it that only covers part of the front. Next another trio comes out, this time with designs on them. Luigi blasts them too.

Harhall: Oh perfect! It's beautiful!

The shirts are a horrid mess, with bits of mud and sticks on the front from the design bombs scraping the ground. Also the entire back of it is untouched.

Luigi: Right. And how many of these shirts do you sell?

Harhall: Well none have so far, but it's only a matter of time.

Luigi: And how are you going to get the shirt?

Harhall: Easy! Watch!

Harhall sticks out his hand and makes strange gestures at the shirt.

Harhall: Come to me, shirt! Come to your MASTER!

Nothing happens.

Luigi: Right. Can we get the Beanstar Piece now?

Harhall: Oh yes. Here's the key. Come to me!

Mario and Luigi go to the cage and unlock it. They grab the second Beanstar Piece. Only two to go!

Meanwhile at the MHA Headquarters…

Prince Peasley: Oh no! Apparently the arcade owner was unable to get the Beanstar Piece. Does anyone have any idea what happened to them?

Border Patrol 1: Uh… Apparently they got wrapped in tinsel and are currently being used as uh… decorations on a giant hermit crab.

Prince Peasley: … I see. That it is an unfortunate setback. Is there anything else?

Minecart Guy: Well, apparently Mario and Luigi just got another piece of the Beanstar, so they now have half of it.

Prince Peasley: I see. Any good news?

Border Patrol 2: Well Popple says he's just about to breach the security of the Winkle Realm.

Prince Peasley: Excellent! Now I'm betting that's where they're going to go next, so Gigi, Merri, would you mind meeting up with Popple?

Gigi: Oh no, we don't mind.

Merri: Nope, as long as we get revenge on those Mario Bros!

Gigi: They didn't get us the Pearl Beans!

Merri: And the fat one has a crush on me!

Prince Peasley: Yes. You told us. Five minutes ago. And five minutes before that. And so on since you first showed up.

Gigi: Are you trying to say something?

Prince Peasley: Just go.

They leave.

Border Patrol 1: Also, there is a letter from Bubbles.

Prince Peasley: Oh good! Let's see. His brother will only trade the Beanstar Piece if he gets seven Yoshi egg shells… That's weird, apparently Boddle, the brother, wears them, and they're scattered across Beanbean Kingdom, here's a map to them all.

Border Patrol 2: Shall we hunt?

Prince Peasley: Yes! Border Patrol Bros, you each take one; Minecart Guy, go after another one. That leaves four for me. Let's go!

They turn to leave, only to find their way blocked by a grumpy Queen Bean.

Queen Bean: And just WHERE do you think you're going, young man?

Prince Peasley: Uh… out?

Queen Bean: I don't think so. You're room isn't clean.

Prince Peasley: But Mom!

Queen Bean: Don't try that on me. Clean it. Then you can go.

Prince Peasley: But I didn't make the mess, these guys did!

MHA Members: HEY!

Prince Peasley: Well you did. We've had three hundred pounds of snacks up here since yesterday!

Queen Bean: I don't care WHO made it, you're all cleaning it up. Now get to work!

All: Grumble, grumble.

Meanwhile, outside Winkle Realm…

Luigi: Well, this is where the map said to go. I guess we should go over here… Oh, what's this?

Luigi has found his way blocked by what appears to be a snail.

Winkle: You do not have fancy card, you cannot pass.

Luigi: Right… and where can I get this "fancy card"?

Winkle: Over there. Play game.

They head to a large building with the sign "Winkle Stadium" on it. They go in. Inside they see many Winkles. They go to the one at a desk, because he appears to be important.

Winkle 2: I am important.

Luigi: Yeah, I figured that. Can you give us a fancy card?

Winkle 2: Hmmm. On one condition.

Luigi: I was afraid of this…

Winkle 2: You both must hold opposite ends of a glowy rope while statues spit rocks at you. You must do this until a Winkle has crossed the room.

Luigi: What? Why?

Winkle 2: We need exercise, and we find the sound of people getting hit by rocks gets us in an athletic mood.

Luigi: I really don't like this but I see no other choice.

Winkle 2: Oh, and it costs five hundred coins.

Luigi is stunned speechful (as in he is very loud).

Luigi: WHAT! I have to PAY to get beaten up!

Winkle 2: Yes.

Luigi: Forget it. I've already been beaten enough times on this adventure, I'm not going to PAY someone to do it.

Winkle 2: Then you don't get a card.

Luigi: Fine, I'll find another way in.

They go back to the first Winkle.

Winkle: Do you have card?

Luigi: Why yes, give me a minute!

Luigi backs up about twenty feet and holds out a Mushroom.

Winkle: I can't tell if that is a card; can you come closer?

Luigi: Why don't you come over here?

Winkle: Okay.

He starts to slowly travel to Luigi. Five minutes later, when he is ten feet away, Luigi snaps awake.

Luigi: Now, Mario!

Mario: Okeydokey!

Mario jumps out of some bushes he was hiding in and lands on the Winkle, smushing it.

Luigi: OH SHOOT! You were supposed to knock it over, not KILL it!

Mario: Oh, Game Over.

The Winkle, now shelless, oozes out from under Mario.

Winkle: (woozily) Strange, I seem to have misplaced my shell. Can you two guard my spot here while I get a new one, and also figure out why there are eight of you?

Luigi: Uh… Because you have double vision?

Winkle Ah. Bye.

It leaves. Luigi shrugs, and he and Mario go into the Winkle Realm, which astonishingly has no Winkles. However, nestled in a statue is the third piece of the Beanstar, and it looks like Popple is trying to remove it, with the aid of the Jellyfish sisters, Gigi and Merri!

Popple: Yes! Soon I'll have it!

Gigi: Wait, somebody's here!

Luigi: What are you guys doing here!

Merri: OOH! I hate you guys! You wouldn't get us Pearl Beans and the fat one has a crush on me!

Mario: Oh nooo!

Luigi: Uh, yeah.

Popple: These girls are the newest members of the Mario Haters Anonymous club, see? And I, Popple, master shadow thief, shall leave with the Beanstar Piece as soon as I get it down this statue! Gigi, Merri! Take care of them!

Gigi: Okay! Prepare to feel our jelly-like wrath!

Luigi: Uh, do you know what Winkles are?

Merri: No…

Luigi: They're giant snails, and they live here!

Gigi: EEEEWWWW! Let's get out of here!

They quickly run out of Winkle Realm, and manage to end up by Winkle Stadium. As they see all the Winkles they pass out from sheer grossness. The Winkles then decide to use them in their rock game.

Popple: Well you may have been able to beat them, but you're too late! I have the piece!

Just as Popple tries to grab the piece, the statue falls on him. Luigi walks forward and grabs the piece. Only one left!

Popple: Ow. One day, Bros, one day, I'll get you good. Heh, at least before the sisters left I managed to grab their wallets.

Luigi: Weren't you working with them?

Popple: What's that have to do with anything?

Luigi shrugs and he and Mario leave to go get the final piece.

Meanwhile at MHA headquarters…

Prince Peasley: There, Mom, we're done. Can we go?

Queen Bean: Well all right, but next time tell your friends not to eat so many snacks.

She turns to leave.

Prince Peasley: (whispering) Yeah well, if you didn't keep making them…

Queen Bean: I heard that. You're cleaning the castle bathrooms tomorrow.

Prince Peasley: What! But Mom!

Queen Bean: Don't "but" me, you're cleaning them!

She leaves.

Prince Peasley: (Grumble, grumble.) All right, let's go. We lost a lot of time here, and we need to hurry if we want to beat the Bros. Since Popple hasn't come back, I'm guessing the Bros. beat him to it. We need to get this last piece! Go!

They leave.

Meanwhile at Yoshi Theater…

Luigi: Well, this is where the last one is supposed to be. Do you see it?

Mario: Oh NOOOOO!

Luigi: Right. Wait, who is that?

They look at a large man in what appears to be a Yoshi eggshell. Next to him is a sniveling man.

Sniveler: But Master Boddle, please! Please, just something to eat! I haven't eaten for three days!

Boddle: No. You should have bought something with your pay.

Sniveler: You give me Yoshi souvenirs!

Luigi walks up to them.

Luigi: Uh, Boddle, do you know where the Beanstar Piece is?

Boddle turns around.

Luigi: ACK!

Boddle: What?

Luigi: You look just like Bubbles!

Boddle: Well, no wonder! I am his younger brother!

Luigi: Uh oh…

Boddle: And speaking of Bubbles, he's here now! In the theater. Shall I take you to him?

Luigi: No, that's okay.

Boddle: Hey, do you guys know a Mario and Luigi? Bubble is looking for them.

Luigi: Uh, no. I'm, um, George! And he is… uh-

Mario: Mamamia!

Luigi: Peach!

Mario shoots him a look of pure venom.

Boddle: … Right. You want a Beanstar Piece? Bubble wants it too. It's right here, on my shell!

Luigi: Uh… no, it's not.

Boddle: Oh, right. I put it in my shell for safekeeping!

Luigi: … There's something not right about that.

Boddle: Well if you want it you must get seven Yoshi eggshells for me. They are the ONLY thing I wear. What are you doing?

Sniveler is attempting to lick Boddle's foot.

Sniveler: Trying to make you like me.

Boddle: That's just gross. Go away.

Luigi: (whispering) Says the man who wears Yoshi eggshells…

Boddle, meanwhile, is in the process of punting Sniveler.

Boddle: And stay out! Okay, now where were we?

Luigi: You were going to give us a Beanstar Piece?

Boddle: No, silly man! Get my eggshells! Here, I'll mark on the map where they are.

Luigi: What are Yoshi eggshells doing scattered around the kingdom?

Boddle: Who knows? All done!

Luigi: If you know where they are why don't you go get them?

Boddle: I'm a busy man. Who has an eggshell obsession. Go.

They leave. They head to the first one. However, when they get there they run into Minecart Guy!

Minecart Guy: You two! I won't let you get this eggshell piece! Prepare to feel my wrath!

They are dragged into a battle sequence! Exciting music plays!

Mario (43HP) and Luigi (34) VS. Minecart Guy (77)

Mario goes first: Smacky!

Minecart Guy: (65) Ouch!

Luigi: What is going on?

Battle Computer (the one that makes sure the turn-based combat is running smoothly): Unknown attack. Converting… Done! Attack is now Interesting Question! Damage being dealt!

Minecart Guy: (25) OUCH! Take this! Minecart flurry

Minecarts appear out of nowhere, dealing damage to both!

Mario: (40) Ow!

Luigi: Wait, is that even possible?

Battle computer: Converting…Verbal Block! No damage taken!

Luigi: Right…

Next turn!

Mario: Toss!

He picks up a rock and throws it at Minecart Guy.

Minecart Guy: (0) Oh NOOOO!

He disappears. A large screen pops up displaying items.

You got one Yoshi egg shell, two Mushrooms, and Syrup in a bottle! Health refilled. Battle complete!

Luigi: That was weird, and also incredibly illogical.

Luigi soon decides that maybe he imagined it and at least they got the shell. So they head off for the next one. Amazingly when they get there they discover…

Border Patrol 1: Uh oh! You're too late! I have the shell!

He runs off. They chase after him. When they catch up they find that he is joined by…

Border Patrol 2: Prepare to feel our largeness!

Luigi: Uh oh…

Battle sequence!

Mario (43HP) and Luigi (34) VS. Border Patrol 1 and 2 (50 each)

Mario goes first: Ploosh!

All: What?

Nothing happens.

Luigi: This is stupid.

Battle Computer: Converting… Witty Insult!

Border Patrol 1: (32) Ouch! Bro Attack! Border Jump!

They take out a rope and run at Mario and Luigi. They hit Luigi.

Luigi: (26) Ow!

However, Mario jumps up and lands on the rope, causing the Border Patrols to run into each other.

Border Patrol 1: (2) Ack!

Border Patrol 2: (15) This isn't good!

Next turn!

Mario: Crikey!

A large crocodile falls out of the sky and lands on the Border Patrols, causing twenty damage to both of them.

Border Patrol 1 and 2: (0) Oh NOOOOO!

They disappear. The item screen pops up. You got two Yoshi eggshells! Health refilled. Battle complete!

Luigi: That is weird. Oh well, now we have three shells.

However, the next three places they go have no shells.

Luigi: Shoot! Someone must have beaten us to them! Well, I guess we have to head to the last one.

Luigi is fully expecting no one to be there, however when he gets there he discovers Prince Peasley trying to get one from a giant Piranha Plant!

Prince Peasley: Ack! You beast! Wait, the Mario Bros! Oh no! I have to get out of here!

Luigi: You're the one who has the other three shells! Give them to us!

Prince Peasley: I think not! Goodbye! SHINY!

He shakes his head, causing a brilliant shine to blind Mario and Luigi. When it dissipates, Prince Peasley is gone! However, the Plant isn't.

Piranha Bean: GROWOWJKNWJ!

Luigi: Right… Oh no! Not another battle sequence!

Mario (43) and Luigi (34) VS. Piranha Bean (93)

Mario goes first: Ploosh!

Nothing happens.

Luigi: Why do you keep doing that?

Battle Computer: Attack is… Good Question!

Piranha Bean: (67) ERRR! Fiery Ball!

Luigi: (22) OW!

Next turn!

Mario: Willy Wonka!

A large quantity of chocolate falls from the sky, squishing the plant.

Piranha Bean: (34) Ouch!

Luigi: You know what? This is stupid and I'm not going to do this.

Battle Computer: Converting… Three-pronged attack! Question, Insult, and Dismissal!

Piranha Bean: (0) Ack!

He disappears. The item screen pops up. You got one Yoshi eggshell and a painful burn! Refilling health. Battle Complete!

Luigi: (rubbing his arm) That stupid plant's fireball hurt!

Mario: Okeydokey!

Luigi: Well we should probably head back to Yoshi Theater, so we can get those eggshells from Peasley!

They quickly run to the Theater. Just outside of it they see Prince Peasley handing the shells to Bubble.

Prince Peasley: I am giving these to you, while I get back to the castle for cleaning. Although it is more logical for me to keep them, according to all laws of RPGs, the Mario Bros. cannot fight me yet!

The Bros. run up to them.

Luigi: Hand over the shells!

Prince Peasley: Oh no! Quick, Bubbles, fight them while I make my escape!

Bubbles: Of course!

Prince Peasley: Ha ha! See you later!

He jumps onto his Bean thing and flies off.

Bubbles: Prepare to feel my Jokey powers!

Battle Sequence!

Mario (43) and Luigi (34) VS. Bubbles (102)

Mario goes first: Ploosh!

Nothing happens!

Luigi: Why do you keep doing that!

Battle Computer: Good Question!

Bubbles: Ha! Bad Joke! What did one soda say to the other? Nothing! Sodas can't talk!

Battle Computer: Attack successfully blocked!

Mario and Luigi both take damage!

Mario: (27) Ow!

Luigi: (21) Pain!

Next turn!

Mario: Cap!

Mario takes off his cap and tosses it at Bubbles!.

Bubbles Oh no! It's too fast! I can't block it!

The hat connects.

Bubbles: (85) That hurt! My turn! Worse Joke! Why is soda the best drink? Because it's so POP-ular!

Luigi: Wait. How did you have enough time to say you couldn't block it, and yet be unable to block?

Battle Computer: Clever Observation! Attack blocked!

Bubbles: (56) Uh…

Battle Computer: And opponent is knocked speechless!

Next turn!

Mario: PLOOSH!

Luigi: Why do you keep doing that? Nothing happens!

Something happens! Ploosh has a low chance of connecting, but when it does it is an instant kill!

Bubbles: (0) NOOOOO!

He disappears. The item screen pops up! You got three Yoshi eggshells! Health refilled. Battle complete!

Luigi: Well, now we have all the shells! Let's get the last piece!

Mario: Okeydokey!

They run into the Theater where Boddle is.

Boddle: Did you get my eggshells?

Luigi: Yes, they're right here. Although how are you going to fit in them? They're too small.

Boddle: Are you saying I'm fat?

Luigi: Uh, no…

Boddle: Maybe I won't give the piece to you!

Mario: Oh NOOO!

He dashes forward, knocking Luigi into Boddle, smashing not only the eggshells Luigi is carrying, but the one Boddle is wearing too!

Boddle: Oh no!

He quickly snatches up an eggshell chunk to cover himself and then runs off beet red. As Luigi gets up he notices the Beanstar Piece among the wreckage. He grabs it.

Luigi: Now we have them all!

Meanwhile…

Prince Peasley: You may have almost wiped out my organization, but you haven't defeated me, Mario Bros! I will prevail! Once my secret plan is in action…

Queen Bean: Stop talking to yourself! Keep cleaning those bathrooms!

Prince Peasley: (whispering) …and soon you too will be under my rule! HA HA HA!

Queen Bean: And you're making dinner for us tonight!

Prince Peasley: But Mom!

What will happen next? Will Bowletta (shudder) REALLY give Princess Peach back? Will Fawful stop making Fawful-bots? Will Prince Peasley stop being punished? Will Lady Lima take over the Mushroom Kingdom! Will Mario reveal his TRUE intelligence! Find out all this and more on the next episode of Mario and Luigi! Stupidstar Saga! (I get paid extra for saying all that.)


	11. Chapter 11

Mario and Luigi Stupidstar Saga Part Eleven: Jokes End

Now that Mario and Luigi have all the pieces of the Beanstar, they head to Beanbean Castle. Once there they see Lady Lima.

Lady Lima: Oh good you're here!

She takes them to the main hall. There Prince Peasley and Toadsworth also reside.

Lady Lima: Okay! Now attach the Beanstar Pieces!

Luigi: How?

Lady Lima: Well isn't it obvious? Just throw it up in the air!

Luigi: I don't think that's going to work…

Lady Lima: Silence fool! You are not as important as I am! JUST DO IT!

Luigi: Okay.

He tosses the pieces high in the air. They fall back down, hitting everyone except Mario, who tripped over some unstable air.

All: Ouch!

Lady Lima: What did I tell you? It didn't work! Honestly you should listen to your elders!

Luigi: But you told me to do that!

Lady Lima: Silence! I guess we'll have to do this the hard way.

She leaves. As she passes by him Toadsworth holds out a present he was wrapping towards her. She ignores him.

Toadsworth: Oh why! Why doesn't she love me?

Luigi: Weren't you two doing great before? What happened?

Toadsworth: Oh soon after you left, she grew more distant with me! She kept mumbling about conquering and Mushroom kingdoms, she completely forgot about me!

Luigi: Wait what?

Toadsworth: And she keeps spending all her time with HIM!

He points at Prince Peasley,

Prince Peasley: What? I didn't do anything!

Queen Bean's voice calls down.

Queen Bean: No lying! No food for YOU mister!

Prince Peasley: Aw mom!

Lady Lima comes back carrying some glue and tape.

Lady Lima: Alright, let's do this!

Toadsworth: Wait don't you wanna see my present?

Lady Lima: No.

Toadsworth: But why!

Lady Lima: Go away.

Toadsworth: Fine!

He stands by the wall.

Lady Lima: Are you ready?

Luigi: For what?

Voice: The Beanstar Piece Minigame!

Walls fall around Lady Lima, Mario and Luigi.

Luigi: What? What's happening!

Voice: Lady Lima shall be attempting to reattach the Beanstar Pieces. Luigi's job is to protect her from Mario, while he runs around trying to stop her. You have one minute! 3…2…1…GO!

Lady Lima begins working on the Pieces.

Luigi: Uh…What's going on?

Mario: ATTACK!

Mario jumps on Luigi, knocking him to the ground and then proceeds to smash him with his hammer.  
Luigi: OW!

Luigi begins to flail about wildly. One of his legs catches Mario on the hand and the hammer goes flying. Mario gets up and runs to get the hammer. Suddenly a bat fall from the sky (even though there is a ceiling) and lands next to Mario.

Mario: Mamamia!

While Luigi staggers to his feet Mario picks up the bat.

Voice: 45 seconds left!

Mario: WHEE!

Luigi: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Mario begins racing after Luigi with the bat. A large hammer falls down, and falls into Luigi's hands. Luigi's arms are forced to move up and down.

Luigi: What's going on!

Mario: Oh NOOOOOO!

He runs from the wildly swinging hammer.

Voice: 30 seconds left!

The hammer disappears. Mario grins.

Luigi: Uh oh.

Mario dashes at him. Luigi dodges and Mario taps Lady Lima.

Lady Lima: Oh no! Now I can't work on the Beanstar for ten seconds! Now would be a good time to catch up on my plotting though!

Luigi: What? No, work on the Beanstar!

Mario: Okeydokey!

Voice: 20 seconds left!

Mario picks up a sword made entirely out of energy, and swings at Luigi. Luigi barely dodges!

Luigi: AHH! What are you, insane?

Mario: Okeydokey!

Mario continues to attack.

Lady Lima: Okay, time to work again!

Mario gets Luigi cornered. He prepares to swing!

Voice: 10 seconds left!

A large yellow ball falls on Luigi, intercepting the sword strike. The ball floats in the air. The sword, upon contact with the ball flies out of Mario's hand.

Luigi: Ow.

Voice: 5 seconds left!

Mario picks up a green shell and advances upon Luigi.

Voice: 4 seconds left!

Mario throws the shell! It flies towards Luigi!

Voice: 3 seconds left!

The yellow ball floats down! The shell hits it and the ball spins around and opens up, spewing its contents all over the place!

Voice: 2 seconds left!

The items inside turn out to be bob-ombs! They land by the Bros.!

Voice: 1 second left!

The bob-ombs prepare to explode!

Voice: Game-

Lady Lima: Done!

Voice: -Complete! Well done!

The walls and items disappear. Lady Lima holds up the shiny Beanstar!

Lady Lima: Yes!

Suddenly a Beanbean person runs in.

Beanbean Person: Sorry to bother you but that giant gender-confused turtle thing came by and dropped off this!

He holds up a Gameboy Advance. Toadsworth takes it and looks it over.

Toadsworth: Secret Message 2? I don't know…the other one wasn't very good. After the opening all you did was make sandwiches and design ugly robots.

Lady Lima: Shut up you fool! This is no game!

She takes it away from him.

Toadsworth: (Sniffle) You're so mean!

Lady Lima: I don't care.

She turns it on. A hologram of Bowletta appears.

Bowletta: Eeyah ha ha! Now that you have assembled the Beanstar, I want you to bring it to the place where all of Bubble's jokes end up, Jokes End! And don't even try to go under the ocean; I know you can't breathe underwater! Eeyah-FAWFUL!

Fawful: Yes mistress?

Bowletta: Stop it with the sandwiches! You made three dozen!

Fawful: But the princess is hungry!  
Princess Peach: not for your sandwiches! You only put jam and mustard on them! I command that you eat them!

Fawful: Eeyah ha ha! Surely you jest! I shall not-

Bowletta: Fawful.

Fawful: Yes O great and glorious jam-filled mustardy Bowletta who's beauty is not really there as you are a giant mutated turtle but you're perfectness is still as sandwichy as ever and-

Bowletta: Eat the sandwiches.

Fawful: Shoot.

Bowletta: Ack! Is this thing still on! Turn it off!

A blast of flame shoots out and the picture goes out. Then a screen pops up.

Voice: Would you like to start a new file?

Toadsworth: HA! It IS a game!

Lady Lima: Oh shut up!

She started to walk away.

Toadsworth: Wait! Don't you want your present?

Lady Lima: No. I don't want ANYTHING from an ugly, smelly, stupid, old mushroom headed FOOL!

Toadsworth: I'm not old! I'm only 79!

Lady Lima: That's ancient!

Toadsworth: Oh yeah? Well…I think you're not REALLY a Queen's person thingy, I think you're just pretending!  
Lady Lima: How can you say such a thing! DIE!

She charged at Toadsworth. What then happened was probably one of the most pathetic shows of immaturity ever, as they bit and slapped and pulled hair.

Luigi: Right…I think now would be a good time to leave.

He and Mario edge to the door. However they are stopped by Prince Peasley!

Prince Peasley: I am most upset with you.

Luigi: Fine. Go away.

Prince Peasley: Why you ask? Well I shall tell you.

Luigi: What? I didn't ask. Go away.

Prince Peasley: Single-handedly you have destroyed my organization and ruined me in the eyes of my mother.

Luigi: That's great. Leave.

Prince Peasley: I don't care if you are sorry! Once you get Princess Peach, I shall use her voice to awaken the Beanstar and have my revenge upon you!

Luigi: What?  
Prince Peasley: Why even bother waiting? I shall take care of you now! DIE!

Mario: WHEE!

Mario trips the Prince and then throws him at the fighting Lady Lima and Toadsworth.

All: OW!

Queen Bean's voice yells down.

Queen Bean: Prince Peasley! How dare you launch yourself at them! I think a good spanking is what YOU need!

Prince Peasley: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! Not that!

He runs away.

Luigi: Right. Now where do we go?

Toadsworth: You must go to the ocean! I'll mark it on your map!

Toadsworth marks a spot on their map and dodges a charge from Lady Lima.

Lady Lima: You never supported my conquering ways!

Toadsworth then handed the map back and dived at Lady Lima.

Toadsworth: You never opened my present!

Luigi: Alright, I'm outta here!

He and Mario dash out of the castle. They head to the place marked on the map. However once they reach there they discover that it is blocked by a large black rock.

Luigi: Aw man! How will we get past this?

Suddenly the Hammer Bros. popped out from behind a bush.

Sledge: Did I hear you say HAMMERS?

Luigi: No.

Mallet: Well I think you did.

Luigi: Did you STILL not find a house?

Sledge: Of course we did!

Mallet: Yeah! We live in bushes now!

Luigi: Bushes? Why?

Sledge: So we can find people in need of our hammers!

Luigi: Really? There are more people than us?

Mallet: Well, no. Not yet at least.

Sledge: But it's only a matter of time!

Luigi: Right.

Mallet: Well we have here some new shiny Ultra Hammers!

He holds them up. They sparkle.

Luigi: Wow. They're beautiful!

Sledge: Yep! And since you've been such great customers you can have them free of charge!

Luigi: Wow! You guys are great!

Mallet: Only you can't use them at all.

Luigi: What?

Sledge: Well since they are so well made and powerful, we decided it would be wrong to use them!

Luigi: You're telling me it is wrong to use the hammers for what they were made for!

Mallet: Yes.

Luigi: You're crazy.

Mario: It's-a me-a Mario!

Sledge: Why so it is! You can use the hammers all you want!

He gives them the hammers.

Luigi: You mean up to now you didn't know who he was?

Mallet: What? Who is he?

Luigi: Right.

Sledge: Well bye! We're off to some other place where we can hopefully sell hammers!

Luigi: Really? Where?

Mallet: Bottom of the ocean.

Luigi: …You do realize you can't breathe underwater right?

Sledge: Oh that's ridiculous! Bye!

They dash away in the opposite direction of the ocean.

Luigi: Well hopefully I won't have to see THEM again.

Using there newfound hammers they destroy the black rock. Past it they see a small area of land, with the ocean in front of it. On the strip of land there is a slot in the ground and a fat Beachgirl similar to the ones on Gwarhar lagoon.

Beachgirl: Hi! If you want to continue stick something GREEN in the slot!

Luigi: Right…how'd you get here? There was a giant rock blocking the only entrance.

Beachgirl: Silly! I flew!

Luigi: You can fly?

Beachgirl: No I can fall.

Luigi: But you said you flew here.

Beachgirl: You're clearly mistaken. I fell from a hot air balloon.

Luigi: I'm pretty sure you said "flew", not fall.

Beachgirl: Oh goodbye! FLYING FURY!

She jumps up in the air and flaps her arms wildly. She lands headfirst on a rock, gets knocked out and rolls into the ocean which sweeps her away.

Luigi: Ah. That's how she got here.

Mario: Okeydokey!  
Luigi: Right. Um…she said stick something green in the slot. Do you see anything green?

Luigi looks around for a while until he notices Mario staring pointedly at him.

Luigi: Oh fine!

He takes off his green shirt (He has a white undershirt on underneath it) and hands it to Mario. Mario continues to look at Luigi.

Luigi: What? Okay now I know you're just being mean.

Luigi hands Mario his hat as well.

Mario: Smacky!  
He slams and wedges the clothes in very tightly. Suddenly some kind of spring at the bottom shoots it back out. The clothes practically merged together in the shape of a surfboard.

Luigi: I don't think that's even possible. Won't clothes just absorb water and sink?

Mario throws them on the water. They float.

Luigi: Okay…Why'd they have to be green?

Mario: FIRE!

Luigi: Uh huh and how are we supposed to move it, plus it doesn't look like there's enough room for both of us on it…

Mario stares at Luigi again.

Luigi: Uh oh…

Later…

Luigi: I can't believe I'm doing this.

Luigi's hanging on the back of the surfboard, kicking his legs wildly, while Mario steers.

Luigi: I'm getting tired and this water is cold.

He starts to slow down.

Mario: OH NOOOOOOOO!

Mario turns around and kicks Luigi in the head.

Luigi: OWWW!

Luigi starts speeding up.

Luigi: I can't believe I'm doing this.

Later when they finally reach Jokes End…

Luigi jumps onto land, only to be jumped on by Mario.

Luigi: OW! Ugh, just give me my clothes, it's freezing out here.

Mario hands over Luigi's clothes. Unfortunately they are still stuck together and sopping wet.

Luigi: Stupid clothes!  
He tries to pull them apart. This continues for several minutes while Mario watches with great amusement.

Luigi: Dang it! Why aren't these coming apart!

He gets fed up and begins smashing them with his hammer. Although for some bizarre reason smashing the clothing flat did not work.

Luigi: Oh forget it!

He threw them on the ground. When they hit they spread apart, albeit slightly crinkled.

Luigi: Oh THAT works! Of course! So obvious! I hate this Kingdom.

Mario: Hee hee!

Luigi: Oh shut up!

Luigi finally gets a good look at where they are.

Luigi: Wow. I don't think any of Bubbles jokes ended up here!

It is a humungous ice palace with a long staircase leading up to the main door. The Bros. head up the stairs. A floating ice-like person appears at the top of the steps.

Jojora: I am like Jojora, master of this place like totally whatever!

Luigi: That's great miss but can you-

Jojora: MISS! I am like a guy! Duh!

Luigi: Right…have you listened to yourself talk?

Jojora: Oh you are SO uncool!

Luigi: Fine. Do you know where Bowletta is?

Jojora: Like totally!

Luigi: I'm going to take that as a yes.

Jojora: The uncool thingy chick is on the top of my like totally cool playground here!

Luigi: She's at the top?

Jojora: That's like what I said!

Luigi: Right.

Jojora: Like to reach the top you must battle your way through totally hard beasts and puzzles!

He starts to float away, heading to the top.

Luigi: Oh no you don't! I'm taking the easy way out!

He jumps up and grabs Jojora, and then Mario does the same.

Jojora: ACK! Uncool! Uncool!

Jojora continues to float to the top while whacking them with his staff. He carries them to his special room on the second highest floor. They let go.

Jojora: Let's have a tea party!

Luigi: What! Are you SURE you're a guy?

Jojora: Tee hee! Like yeah! Who do you want to come? Chucklissa, Oholina or well gosh I can't remember the others names! Isn't that like the funniest?

Luigi: Did you just giggle?

Jojora: Chucklissa? Good choice! Chucklissa come here!

A gigantic thing with blond hair and a white body falls down and lands on Jojora, squashing him.

Jojora: Like uncool!

Chucklissa: RAAARGH!

She prepares to attack the Bros.

Mario: HI-YAAAAAAA!

Mario fights back using the only weapon close at hand…Luigi!  
Luigi: AHHH!

Mario uses Luigi's body to bash Chucklissa into unconsciousness. Unfortunately for Luigi he remained conscious. After Chucklissa was taken care of Mario released Luigi.

Luigi: That does it! I can't take you any more! This adventure is over!  
Mario: Hm?

Luigi: I know you're smarter than you act, how else would you still be alive! But I'm sick of your abuse! If you don't stop it now, I WILL go back to the Mushroom Kingdom!

Mario says nothing. Luigi begins to walk away.

Mario: Wait!

Luigi: What?  
Mario: Fine, I'll tell you everything.

Luigi: I knew it!

Mario: I'm just as intelligent as you. However at an early age the injustices you delivered to me were too much to bear. I decided that the best way to get revenge was to fake being an idiot around you.

Luigi: Just around me?

Mario: Yes. However I soon found out that once we started going on adventures and whatnot, we didn't spend too much time together. So when this adventure came by I knew that I had to bring you with me.

Luigi: So that's why you took me on the Koopa Kruiser…

Mario: Exactly. That is why I have done all the horrible things to you here. Plus it turns out that when you act like an idiot, nothing bad happens to you. On the other hand if you act smart, then you always get hurt.

Luigi: I'd almost believe that, if YOU weren't the reason for most of my pain.

Mario: Yes well, it was a necessary sacrifice.

Luigi: Sure…wait, earlier you said I did some "injustices" to you, what exactly were you talking about?  
Mario: You want to know the reasons for why I hate you! Fine then I shall tell you! I hate you because you're taller than me. You can jump higher, and you ALWAYS have something to wear for St. Patrick's Day!  
Luigi: What? Those are horrible reasons!

Mario: Well since I only had red clothes, the pinching I experienced on those days was just awful.

Luigi: Still, not my fault.

Mario: Oh yeah! Well how about when Christmas rolled around! Just like that stupid Hermit Crab, people asked if I was wearing a Santa suit! Oh the indignity!

Luigi: You have yet to tell me why I am to blame.

Mario: Yeah, well regardless of whether or not it was your fault, I have to hate someone and I'd rather it be you!

Luigi: Yeah, well bye!

Mario: You can't leave!  
Luigi: Look your reasons are awful and you have no reason at all to desire revenge with me.

Luigi begins to walk away.

Mario: But if you leave, then Bowletta shall take over the world and far worse things than dealing with me will happen to you!

Luigi stops and turns around.

Luigi: Yeah? And what horrible things will Bowletta do to me?

Mario: Uh…um…she'll rename everyone with "Letta" after their name!

Luigi: Oh man! Then I'd...I'd be…

Mario: Luigiletta!  
Luigi: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Okay I'll help! But you have to stop trying to get revenge.

Mario: Okay!

They turn around and prepare to walk through a door; however Mario trips and falls on his head. Luigi trips on Mario and falls on Mario's head. As he falls his hammer flies up. Luigi rolls off and the hammer hits Mario on the head.

Luigi: Oh SHOOT! Mario are you okay!

Mario staggers up and looks at Luigi.

Luigi: Well?

Mario: It's-a me-a Mario!

Luigi: Crap. He lost his intelligence.

Mario: Okeydokey!  
Mario then grabbed Luigi and dragged him to the top floor. Once they reached there they saw Fawful inside of a little arena.

Fawful: Eeyah ha ha! Bring the jammy star of Beans over here!

Mario walks near him then chucks Luigi right at him.

Luigi: This is familiar.

Fawful: ACK!

Fawful gets hit.

Fawful: Oh no! You evil Bros. of familyness is to powerful for I HAVE FURY me! JAMMY MUSTARD I must run away with speed of quickness!

Fawful dashes away to hide behind Bowletta. Mario and Luigi follow. In the next area Bowletta is inside her clowncopter with Princess Peach.

Bowletta: Fawful did you get the Beanstar!

Fawful: NO! AAH!

Mario and Luigi run in.

Bowletta: Oh no! Grr! Give me the Beanstar!

Mario: Okeydokey!

Mario throws the star like a shuriken, smacking Bowletta in the head.

Bowletta: OW! That hurt! Well, I guess since you brought me the Beanstar I should give you back Princess Peach.

Bowletta hits a button and Princess Peach falls out of the copter.

Luigi: Strange, how do they plan to use it without Peach's voice?

Bowletta: Ha! That is an unimportant detail that I left up to Fawful! He made some Peach-bots!

Fawful: (mumbling) Oh shoot, PEACH-bots? That's not going to be good…

Bowletta: Now to leave with the Beanstar!

: Not if I have anything to say about it!

A brilliant flash blinds everyone.

Bowletta: ACK!

The flash fades away. Bowletta realizes that she no longer has the star!

: Ha ha ha! I have the star!  
Luigi: I know that annoying laugh! It's…

: Prince Peasley!

Luigi: What are you doing here?  
Luigi looks around and sees Prince Peasley holding the Star and floating above them on his Bean thingy!

Prince Peasley: Ha ha ha! Why getting my star so I can make my wish!

Bowletta: Grr! That's mine!

Prince Peasley: Well too bad! You all thought that without the MHA helping me; I couldn't do anything didn't you! Well you were wrong! I, Prince Peasley, will now be King…

And so on for a few hours…

Prince Peasley: …And I am great and have shiny hair and a tiny sword and…

Bowletta: Oh SHUT UP! FWOOOSH!

She shoots a blast of flame at Prince Peasley, knocking him out of the sky. Fawful grabs the Beanstar.

Bowletta: Now let's go, to the poorly repaired Koopa Kruiser!

They fly off. Just before they get out of range Mario grabs Luigi and throws him.

Luigi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Luigi gets wedged between the bottom of the copter and the rotor. He also gets knocked unconscious by the poorly aimed hammer that Mario throws at the copter.

Bowletta: Eeyah ha ha! Reduced to throwing hammers!

Fawful: Yes! Most pathetic!  
Both: Eeyah ha ha! Ha ha eeyah! Ha eeyah ha! Ho ho eeyoh!

Bowletta: Not only is our laughing slightly creepy, but we're also eerily in sync!

Both: Eeyah ha ha!

Later at the poorly repaired Koopa Kruiser…

Bowletta lands her clowncopter. As the rotor stops, Luigi slides out and falls under the copter, hidden from the nasty villains.

Bowletta: Eeyah ha ha! The Star is finally mine! Again! Quick Fawful! Let's put some distance between here and the Kingdom so they don't interrupt us!

Fawful: Okay!

Luigi wakes up and crawls out from underneath the copter.

Luigi: Uh oh, what do I do?

Bowletta and Fawful can't see him, as their backs are turned so he starts to try to escape.

Bowletta: Now to put the Star on a part of the Kruiser far away from me, so that it is easy to steal, not that anyone would!

Luigi dashes behind some boxes. Bowletta puts the Star on the middle of the floor ten feet in front of Luigi.

Bowletta: Perfectly safe!

She walks back. The ship shudders.

Luigi: I guess I better grab it.

As Luigi walks forward the ship shudders again. He grabs the Star as the shuddering turns to shaking.

Bowletta: FAWFUL! What's going on!

Fawful: We appear to be falling at a Jamalicious speed!

Bowletta: What? Why?

Fawful: Because I have no clue how to pilot this thing!

Bowletta: What! How did you keep us in the air so long!  
Fawful: Random button pressing. You'd be surprised how far that gets you.

Bowletta: Why are you talking normally!

Fawful: Impending death does that.

Bowletta: Right.

Fawful: Well here's a button I didn't press! I wonder what self-destruct does?  
Fawful reaches for the button. Luigi dashes out of hiding.

Luigi: NOOOOOOOO!  
Fawful and Bowletta are surprised to see him.

Fawful and Bowletta: We're surprised to see you!

Luigi: Don't press that button!

Fawful: Well, Luigi is my enemy and enemies want to hurt you so you shouldn't listen to what they say…so I should hit the button!

Fawful hits the button. Boom. Bowletta and Fawful go flying and Luigi falls straight down. He hits Prince Peasley on his Bean thingy!  
Prince Peasley: ACK! YOU! Give me the Star!

Luigi: What are you doing here!  
Prince Peasley: Attempting to get the Star!

Luigi: NO!

Prince Peasley stabs at Luigi with his sword. He misses and Luigi jumps off. He didn't realize that there was a considerable drop.

Luigi: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Fortunately he landed facedown in a sand dune in Teehee Valley. Luigi comes here a lot doesn't he? He slides through the dune and lands in an underground chamber. The fall apparently has knocked him unconscious. Popple comes in through another part of the entrance.

Popple: Ack! This green guy! He dropped a statue on me! Rookie! Get in here and tie him up!

Meanwhile…

Mario, Toadsworth and Prince Peasley are at the entrance to Teehee Valley.

Toadsworth: Go get your lazy brother okay?  
Mario Okeydokey!  
And he bounds off towards Luigi.

Prince Peasley: Okay, now I have the Star, all I need is Princess Peach's voice…

Toadsworth: Oh good the Beanstar! Maybe if I give it to Lady Lima she'll like me again!  
And before the Prince can do anything about it Toadsworth snatches the Star and runs to the castle.

Prince Peasley: What do you think you're doing! Get back here!

And he chases Toadsworth. Meanwhile Mario discovers that monsters are guarding a large yellow pipe, which must lead to Luigi! Mario bounces from monster head to monster head. Fortunately they're not very bright and they don't even notice. Down into the pipe he goes!  
Mario: Whee!

At the bottom he sees an unconscious Luigi tied to a pole. Mario tries to pull the rope off of him. This tightens it around his middle causing him to wake up.

Luigi: OWWWW! That hurts!

Mario decides that pulling doesn't work. So he slides it up very fast giving Luigi major rope burn, until it gets stuck at his nose.

Luigi: Stop it! Just untie the knot!

So Mario goes the back and unties the knot and whip the rope off. This caused it to slide under Luigi's nose very fast giving him some more rope burn.

Luigi: Pain!

Attracted by the noise Popple comes in with his new Rookie…Birdo!

Popple: Ha ha! My new Rookie and I will crush you two! Right Birdo!  
Birdo: I'm technically a guy!

Popple: That's right! Wait…what?

Birdo: I love you!

Popple: Stay away! GO!

Birdo: I thought you loved me!  
Popple: I thought you were a chick!  
Birdo: Tee hee! Silly head! Kiss me!

Popple: NO!

Popple runs with Birdo close behind.

Birdo: I caught you!  
Popple: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The Bros. look away.

Luigi: Geez…How many gender confused people are on this adventure: Bowletta, Harhall, Jojora and now Birdo? Weird place.

And so they decided to head back to the castle. What's next for our heroes? What terrible villainy does Bowletta have planned? Will Mario ever be a normal brother? (No he won't) Will the world be saved? And so on and so forth…Tune in next time for Bowser's/Bowletta's Castle Thingy!


	12. Chapter 12

Mario and Luigi Stupidstar Saga Part Twelve: Bowser's/Bowletta's Castle Thingy

After rescuing Princess Peach and having the Beanstar change ownership for the fifth time the Mario Bros. decide to head back to the castle. However once they reach there Lady Lima rushes out.

Lady Lima: AAAAAHHHHHHHHH! We're under attack! Sort of.  
Luigi: What?  
Lady Lima: Look in the sky!

Luigi looks in the sky.

Luigi: ACK!

High in the sky is Bowser's (well Bowletta's now) Castle! However it is just floating there.

Luigi: Why doesn't it attack?

Meanwhile in the Castle…

Bowletta: Dang it Fawful! FIRE!

Fawful: But beautiful one! The guns are clogged up with jam!  
Bowletta: Really?

Fawful: No. I couldn't fly the Kruiser; do you honestly expect me to fly this?

Bowletta: Yes.

Fawful: Well you're wrong.

Bowletta: KOOPALINGS! Your time has come!

Suddenly out of a door the seven koopalings come out.

Larry: I wanna play tennis!  
Lemmy: I like freezing things!

Iggy: I like getting dizzy and then running into walls!

Ludwig: I go SPIN SPIN in my shell!

Roy: I'm a bully! GRR!

Iggy: AAAAAHHHHHH!

Roy runs after him breathing fire.

Wendy: I like candy!

Morton: I like to talk and talk!  
Bowletta: That's great but-

Morton: And talk about fish and spiders and Ooh! Spiders are SCARY! But Muffins are COOL! And-

Bowletta: Be quiet!

Iggy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Ow.

Iggy runs into a wall. Roy trips and falls on him.

Morton: And Prince Peasley is great and has shiny hair and how come I don't have hair?

Bowletta: SHUT UP!

They all stop moving.

Bowletta: I want one of you to fly this thing.

Larry: You're not our dad.

Iggy: You can't make us do anything!  
Bowletta: But I'm your mother!  
Wendy: EEEEEEWWWWWWW! Don't SAY that!

Bowletta: Fine but I'm in your father's body and-

Ludwig: EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW! You mean he was going out with YOU!  
Bowletta: What's wrong with me? I mean NO! I stole his body!  
Lemmy: But you're a GIRL! So now you are…EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWW! You're gross!  
Bowletta: No I'm not! Look if you don't help me I'll…

Wendy: What hag?

Bowletta: Add Letta at the end of your name!

All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Bowletta: Eeyah ha ha!  
Roy: We STILL won't help you. (shudder)

Bowletta: Oh I think you will…Royletta!  
Roy passes out.

Bowletta: Anyone else want to test me?

Lemmy: N-n-no.

Bowletta: Then attack!  
Larry: But we don't know how to fly it either!

Bowletta: WHAT!  
Morton: And I live in a desert and-

Ludwig: Dad never let us use it!  
Bowletta: Well this is unfortunate.

Fawful: Maybe if I press random buttons again…

Bowletta: Well it's the best idea we got.

So Fawful hit some random buttons. Unfortunately this caused the ship to begin to descend at an alarming rate.

All: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Outside…

Lady Lima: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! They're attacking!

Luigi: Looks like they're falling.

Lady Lima: Well obviously that IS their attack!  
Luigi: Sure…

Lady Lima: Oh no! What if they hit…

She immediately ran off to the side of the castle.

Luigi: What the?

He and Mario follow. They catch up and see her standing by a building with a sign on front of it that says "Danger! Do not enter! For reasons we can not disclose to the general populace you can not enter!"  
Lady Lima: What to do!

The Castle comes closer and closer.

Luigi: Get out of the way!  
Lady Lima: What?  
Luigi tackles her just in time as the Castle lands right on top of the building destroying it.

Lady Lima: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The machine that made the BB Soldiers!  
Luigi: What? That actually exists?  
Lady Lima: Yes! And now my plans to conquer the Mushroom Kingdom are ruined! Not even the lovely Toadsworth with the Beanstar, or the sight of Queen Bean smacking him for trying to take it is enough compensation for this loss!  
Luigi: Not summoning a lot of sympathy for you.

Luigi looks at the entrance to the Castle. It landed right side up, so it looks exactly as it does when it is flying. There is a door at the bottom.

Luigi: The sooner we go in there the sooner we can leave. Let's go Mario!  
Mario: Okeydokey!

And so they enter the Castle…

Luigi: Wow! This place is flamy!

The entire castle is covered in lava and creatures. They take a few steps only to encounter a group of Magikoopas!

Magikoopa 1: Feel our magic stuff, thing…uh…

Magikoopa 2: Oh man, you forgot again? The attack is…

Magikoopa 3: Random Geometric Shapes!  
He fires off s a magic blast at the bros. They barely dodge.

Magikoopa 1: Oh…right.  
Magikoopa 4: Attack!  
They begin shooting spells like crazy. Everything they hit turns into a Koopa! Unfortunately as the koopas used to be inanimate objects and well they aren't very smart to begin with, they all walk into the lava. The Bros. avoid these attacks by staying behind a wall.

Luigi: Man not only do they have bad aim, but they aren't very bright either.

Magikoopa 5: Whoops sorry 6 and 7!

His blasts hit two of his friends turning them into feeble Koopas. After realizing their horrible fate they also jump into the lava.

Magikoopa 3: Okay this isn't working! Stop!  
They all stop.

Magikoopa 2: We need to get the Mario Bros.!  
Magikoopa 1: Fire Ring attack!   
They shoot a fire ring around the wall. The Bros. barely dodge that one too!  
Magikoopa 4: Shoot! That was the best we had! I'm bored. Let's go to Kameks and hypnotize people.

They all teleport away.

Luigi: That was weird. Oh well. Let's keep going.

They don't travel too far, before they are greeted by Iggy!

Iggy: Prepare for my Dizzy Spin!

Iggy begins to spin rapidly around the Bros.

Luigi: Right…what are you doing?

Iggy: Making you dizzy!

Luigi: No you're not.

The Mario Bros. aren't following him with their eyes; they're just looking straight ahead. Iggy stops spinning.

Iggy: Dang, now I'm all dizzy! Whoa!  
Iggy starts to wobble around.

Iggy: Now to get the Mario Bros.!  
Iggy charges forward…and hits a wall. He gets knocked out.

Luigi: Right…let's keep going.

And so they continue…until Morton jumps in front of them.

Morton: And I am great and tall…well not really and I have no hair but I can make shockwaves but that implies I'm fat and I don't think I'm fat do you?

Luigi: No.

Morton: You're the Mario Bros. and I should stop you but that creepy thing is creepy so I won't so there! Blah blah blah! Why am I saying that?

Mario and Luigi just walk by him as he continues to talk. A little while later they encounter Lemmy!

Luigi: Are we gonna run into all seven of you?  
Lemmy: Yes.

Luigi: This will take a long time.

Lemmy: I have a website!  
Luigi: I'm sure you do.

Lemmy: Yes, I do! Go to it! It has real funny-

Luigi: I don't care.

Lemmy: But I worked real hard on-

Luigi: And I'm sure your parents are very proud. Go away.

Lemmy: No, they're not! They don't care! They think I should be spending more time capturing princesses!

Luigi: Great now-

Lemmy: But I'll show them! I will create the greatest website of all, and then conquer the Internet!

Luigi: I don't think that's possible.

Lemmy: Then with the Internet at my disposal I can have MORE websites! HA HA HA!

Luigi: Good for you.

Lemmy: Thanks for the help! Bye!

Lemmy leaves.

Luigi: Uh…you're welcome.

They continue for a ways, until (surprise surprise) Ludwig stops them.

Ludwig: I am smart and can go SPIN SPIN in my shell!

Luigi: I'm sure you can.

Ludwig: Now prepare to die!  
Ludwig goes in his shell and attempts to attack the Bros. unfortunately since he is in his shell he can not see what he is doing.

Luigi: Yeah, that's me, keep attacking.

Ludwig: HA HA HA!

Ludwig rams continuously into a wall.

Luigi: Yeah this guy is going to be here for a while.

They walk away. Soon Roy jumps in front of them!

Roy: You!  
Luigi: Yes me.

Roy: You had Iggy beat himself up!

Luigi: Well, I suppose by having him run into a wall that counts as beating yourself up.

Roy: Yeah! And I heard he did a good job at it too!

Luigi: Well, yes he did.  
Roy: Well then in order to prove I am the biggest bully, I shall beat myself up!

Luigi: That is insane logic…but I'll let you do it.

Roy: Thanks!  
He begins punching himself. Luigi watches for a few minutes while he slams his head into a wall and other things until he knocks himself out.

Luigi: He was not very bright. I've noticed Mario hasn't talked for a while-

Mario: Just what I needed!

Luigi: Scratch that.

They continue until they are halted by Wendy!

Wendy: I shall let you pass only if you allow me too eat candy!

Luigi: But we have no candy.

Wendy: Oh that's okay I can make some.

Luigi: So then what was the point in involving us?  
Wendy: What! How dare you point out my flaws! Prepare to die!  
She fires candy rings at them. Mario grabs them and eats them.

Wendy: Oh no! My rings! Curses! I've been defeated!  
She runs away. Mario starts to twitch.

Luigi: Uh oh.

Mario: OKEYDOKEY! FIRE! MUFFINS! THAT'S BETTER! HAMMER!

Luigi: Sugar rush.

Luigi backs off a ways while Mario has a hyper attack. After about ten minutes, Mario falls unconscious.

Luigi: Finally.

Suddenly Larry shows up!

Larry: Now is the time to strike, while your brother is unable to fight!  
Luigi: Uh…I really don't need him…

Larry pulls out a tennis racket.

Larry: I challenge you…to a tennis match!

Luigi: I don't have a racket.

Larry: Just use my spare!

Larry tosses him an extra racket.

Luigi: Great…what are using for a ball?

Larry looks around.

Larry: How about this rock!

Luigi: Whatever.

Larry tries to hit the rock. It breaks through his racket.

Larry: Oh no! I've been defeated!

Luigi: Wait…can't you block fireballs with that?  
Larry: Of course!  
Luigi: But not a rock…

Larry: I know! I need to buy a better one!

He runs off. Mario wakes up.

Luigi: Well, I guess we better continue, I think we're almost done.

And so they continue.

Meanwhile on the ground…

Prince Peasley: Grr! Now's my chance to get revenge! Up there I shall face the Mario Bros…and I shall be victorious!

He climbs on the flying Bean thing and goes into the castle!

Next time Mario and Luigi shall have their final battles against Fawful, Bowletta and Prince Peasley! This is it! The next one is the last one! Hopefully the world won't end (again) and hopefully the author won't be renamed to…Lord Drashletta!

Lord Drash: Hey! Don't do that!

Narrator: Hee hee! See you next time!


	13. Chapter 13

Mario and Luigi Stupidstar Saga Part Thirteen: The Final Battle(s)

Mario and Luigi travel through an open door. In the next room, a lava pit resides in the center of the floor. They take a few steps until Fawful flies in!  
Fawful: Eeyah ha ha!

Luigi: Great, it's you.

Fawful: Yes it is! Feel my JAMMY wrath of MUSTARD doom!

Luigi: You're crazy.

Fawful: I am. Now it is time for the sandwich of your doom to fall upon you! Fawful-bots, attack!  
Seven Fawful-bots fly in on jetpacks and fire jam and mustard at the Bros.

Luigi: Ew! These attacks stink!

Fawful: Eeyah ha ha! I'm using EXPIRED foods!  
Mario and Luigi throw their hammers, taking out two of them.

Luigi: Yes! Let's go!  
Mario: MY LINE!

Mario grabs Luigi and swings him, taking out three more bots.

Luigi: I hate you.

Fawful: Grr! Kamikaze strike!

The last two bots fly near them and explode. However the explosion is rather limited as they exploded in the lava pit.

Fawful: The naughty Bros. are bad yes!

Luigi: Ow. Surrender, we beat your bots.

Fawful: Oh no you didn't! Super JAMMY Fawful-bot arise!

A rumbling fills the air. The lava starts to bubble and shake.

Luigi: W-w-what's g-g-going on?  
Suddenly a huge Fawful-bot rises out of the lava!

Super Fawful-bot: EEYAH HA HA!

Luigi: Uh oh…

The beast opens its mouth and fires out…sandwiches!

Luigi: Jeez! Is that all you think about!

Fawful: Yes!  
The bread hits the Bros...and bounces off.

Fawful: I knew I should have used older sandwiches!  
Luigi: Wait…how come it didn't melt in the lava?

Super Fawful-bot: JAM!

It swings its huge arms around, attempting to flatten the Bros. Mario dodges, and grabs Luigi before he gets hit.

Luigi: Thanks!  
Mario: Okeydokey!  
Mario throws him into the lava pit.

Luigi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Luigi lands in the lava, but doesn't die a horrible melty death!

Luigi: What the? This is Cherry Jam!  
Fawful: Of course!

Luigi: Mario! So you knew this wouldn't kill me!

Mario: Oh nooooooooooo!

Luigi: I hate you.

Super Fawful-bot: GOGLYT!

The eyes shoot out mustard.

Luigi: This is just pathetic.

Mario jumps up and smashes into the eyes. He then crawls into the hole.

Luigi: MARIO!

The bot jabs its hands inside its head desperately trying to kill Mario. Suddenly Mario jumps out holding a bundle of wires!

Fawful: Eeyah ha ha! That is merely its logic circuits!

Super Fawful-bot: EEYAH HOGAHBFHVSRUHVCGHFV!

Fawful: What?  
The bot then pulls off its head and throws it into a wall. The body then collapses.

Fawful: Huh. I guess THAT was illogical.

Luigi: And everything else wasn't!

Fawful: JAM!

Luigi: Right.

Fawful: I guess I must take you out myselfish!

Luigi: Sigh…I suppose so.

Fawful suddenly disappears in a blinding flash of light!  
Luigi: What the?

Fawful: Eeyah ha ha!

When he comes back in view his headgear has transformed into an antenna like object and instead of his dorky nerd clothes he is wearing a cape and other such cool things!

Luigi: Whoa!  
Fawful: And now you shall face the wrath of the Dome I have createdness!

Suddenly rising from the Cherry Jam a large Dome appears!

Fawful: Now you shall feel my Dome's true powers! Uh…

Luigi: Problem?

Fawful: I didn't make a way to get inside.

Luigi: You're not very bright are you?

Fawful: Am too! Headgear Blast!  
Fawful shoots out electrical blasts at the Bros.

Luigi: Ack!

They barely dodge! Mario tries hitting Fawful with his hammer but he flies in the air.

Fawful: Eeyah ha ha! Dome attack!  
Dome: DOMEYNESS!

The Dome fires out lasers at the Bros.! Luigi gets hit!

Luigi: Ow! Well at least it's something besides food!  
Fawful: Grr! Dome fly!  
Dome: DOMEYNESS!

The Dome flies into the air and tries to squash the Bros. Mario jumps on top of it.

Mario: Whee!  
Dome: UNIDENTIFIED ASSAILANT! SELF DESTRUCT! RETURN TO CREATOR!

Fawful: Eeyah ha huh? No stay away!

The Dome flies towards Fawful. Mario jumps off and lands on Luigi's head.

Luigi: OW!

Fawful: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Dome: DOMICIOUS EXPLOSION!

The Dome explodes right next to Fawful.

Fawful: I have been…defeated.

Luigi: Yeah, by your own stupid inventions!

Fawful: I go now…to a sandwich store! Bye!

He jumps up, all injury forgotten and flies away.

Luigi: That was weird. At least now we can go to fight Bowletta!  
Mysterious Voice: Not so fast! Ha ha ha!

Luigi: No, not Prince Peasley!

Prince Peasley: Prepare to die!

He flies in and begins stabbing at Luigi.  
Luigi: AHHHHHH!

Luigi ducks under the blows.

Luigi: Why don't you attack Mario!

Prince Peasley: Because! He looks like Santa Claus!  
Mario: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Mario begins to shake violently.

Prince Peasley: What in the?

Luigi: Oh now you've done it! You called him Santa Claus! He HATES that!

Prince Peasley: I didn't mean to!  
Mario: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Mario then jumps right in the air and tackles the Prince.

Prince Peasley: ACK! Die!  
Prince Peasley tries to stab Mario. Mario grabs the sword and sets it aflame with his hand.

Prince Peasley: HA HA HA! Now I have a flaming sword!  
He swings it. It turns to ash.

Prince Peasley: Well that's not good.

Prince Peasley shakes Mario off.

Prince Peasley: I was afraid of this. So guess what I did! I managed to get all the MHA members back together! And now they hate you even more! Come forth!  
From the area behind the Bros. all the MHA members come. Cork and Cask, Arcade Owner and Security Guards, Gigi and Merri, Border Patrol Bros., Minecart guy, Bubbles, Popple, and of course dozens of BB soldiers.

Luigi: This is not good.

Prince Peasley: HA HA HA! ATTACK!

MHA: DIEEEEEEEEE!

They all dived forward. The Bros. easily dodge.

MHA: ACK!

Luigi: Jeez, why do you STILL hate us?  
Gigi: Why you ask?  
Merri: Because those nasty slugs used us in their "game"!  
Gigi: Rocks were thrown at us for FIVE hours!  
Merri: And we lost 500 COINS!  
Luigi: That's bad, but not our fault.

Jellyfish Sisters: Uhhhh…

Popple: Well I still hate you because you kept beating me up AND that weird Birdo thing GOT me! (Shudder)

Luigi: You kept attacking us! And it's not MY fault that you didn't check your partner's gender before getting them!  
Popple: Oh yeah, what am I supposed to do? Ask them what gender they are? Oh excuse me, what gender are you? Like that! Don't be an idiot!  
Luigi: Actually that sounds like fun! Hey Mario! What gender are you?  
Mario: GRRRRRRR! Die!

Mario smashes Luigi.

Luigi: Ow. Notice he didn't answer my question.

Mario: GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR! DIE!  
Mario beats on Luigi.

Popple: Uhhhhhh…

Arcade Owner: Well I hate you for being near the crab that used me as a decoration!  
Luigi: Ow…if you hate me for a reason that stupid there truly is no hope for you.

Arcade Owner: Really? Crud.

Cork: You defeated the creature that defeated us!

Cask: We can not suffer such indignities!  
Luigi: Well technically you could see it as exacting vengeance.

Cork: Wow, he's right!  
Minecart Guy: Well you defeated me in a battle I initiated…wait I don't even need you to tell me how stupid that is.

Border Bros. 1: Well you dropped a large aquatic reptile on us.

Luigi: It was endangered?  
Border Bros. 2: Um, I can't see a flaw with that…you're right!  
Bubbles: You hate my jokes!  
Luigi: Well even you know their bad; you used them as a weapon against us!  
Bubbles: Oh yeah? Take this! What's better? Diet soda or regular? Regular, cause otherwise you'll DIE while drinking IT!

Luigi: THAT was bad.

Bubbles: Yeah I agree.

BB Soldier: We just run around and stab things.

Luigi: Yes you do.

MHA: We're sorry! Thank you for pointing out our stupidity and inequity!

Luigi: Uh, you're welcome?  
MHA: BYE!

They all leave.

Prince Peasley: Well that didn't work. Oh well, now you must DIE! SUPER He SHINY ATTACK!

He swings his hair, blinding Mario and Luigi. He comes up behind Luigi and punches him.

Luigi: OW!

Mario: FIRE!

Mario blasts the Prince with a fireball.

Prince Peasley: GRR! Time for my ultimate weapon! I bought it for 9.99! EXPLOSIVE BUNNY!

He holds up a pink bunny. It is holding a drum.

Bunny: I keep going and going and going…

Luigi: What kind of weapon is THAT?

Prince Peasley: Wait for it…

Bunny: going and going and going…

Luigi: It's just beating a drum.

Prince Peasley: I KNOW it will do something!  
Bunny: going and going and going…

Three hours later…

Bunny: going and going and going…

Prince Peasley: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! I knew I shouldn't have put Energizers in it! DIE!  
He picks it up and chucks it. It bounces off the wall and hits him in the head.

Prince Peasley: I have been…defeated.

Luigi: By yourself!

Prince Peasley: Tell my mother… (Cough, cough) that I…really don't like her…

Luigi: Oh shut up! You got hit in the head by a BUNNY!  
Prince Peasley: And because of it I may never show my face in public! Goodbye Bros.!

Miraculously he gets up and flies away.

Luigi: THAT was weird.

Now that all the distractions are gone Mario and Luigi head to the Throne Room to battle Bowletta in a truly awesome showdown of epic proportions! They win, The End. Just kidding! As they enter the room they see Bowletta on her throne.

Bowletta: Eeyah ha ha! I knew you'd get here! Even with all that I sent after you, Queen Bean, Fawful, the Koopalings and many more!

Luigi: If you knew that we'd reach you regardless, why did you send them after us?

Bowletta: Uh…that is an unimportant detail!

Luigi: Sure it is.

Bowletta: Grrr! Prepare to DIE!

She fires multiple fireballs at them, but the Bros. dodge them all. Well most of them…

Luigi: Ow! FIRE!

Mario: My line!

Mario whacks Luigi.

Bowletta: That's not working! Firebreath!

Two blocks appear above the Bros. as Bowletta starts to charge an attack.

Mario: It's-a me-a Mario!

Mario jumps up and grabs his block, then jumps on Luigi's block sending it down on him, while holding the block in front of him.

Luigi: OW! Get off!

Bowletta: FWOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSH!

A gigantic stream of fire erupts from her mouth. However it is successfully blocked by Mario's block. Luigi manages to get Mario off.

Luigi: You're insane.

Bowletta: Am not!  
Luigi: I wasn't talking to you! Although you are.

Bowletta: That does it! Time for my ultimate attack! Raining Star Frenzy…Of Death!

Bowletta turns black and all of a sudden large different colored stars fall down. They move slowly, and the Bros. have no problem dodging them until Mario trips and bumps into Bowletta.

Bowletta: Ack! I have been…defeated!

Luigi: Wow that was simple.

A bob-omb goes in between the fights and blows up. The explosion reaches no one.

Bowletta: Eeyah ha ha! I caught you with your guard down!

Luigi: No you didn't.

Bowletta: Now…to EAT you!  
She opens her mouth wide, and even though it is not nearly large enough to get even ONE of them inside, both of them are sucked in at the same time.

Bowletta: Eeyah ha ha! Now they are inside of me and capable of striking at my only weakness…my Spirit…wait, this idea doesn't sound so good anymore…

Inside Bowletta…

The Bros. stagger to their feet.

Luigi: You know for having just been eaten I feel pretty good.

Mario: Okeydokey!

Luigi looks around. They are on a large path and on either sides of it clouds blanket the ground as far as the eye can see.

Luigi: Not only is the inside far larger than the outside, but this doesn't look remotely like the inside of a belly.

Mysterious Voice: Eeyah ha ha! Still alive? Well not for long!

A gigantic purple creature with long arms and no legs floats into view.

Luigi: What are you?  
Ugly Beast of Death: I am Cackletta's Spirit!

Luigi: I see. Do we have to defeat you now?

Cackletta's Spirit: I'd rather you not.

Luigi: How can we hurt you? You're a ghost!

Cackletta's Spirit: Technically I'm a Spirit, because I'm still alive.

Luigi: Right. Well anyways…prepare for death! …Sort of.

And they battled. Cackletta's Spirit used many spells on them, such as fireballs, electric balls, energy balls, twirling hands and other fun things. Fortunately she had bad aim and missed most of the time.

Cackletta's Spirit: Ha! You'll never beat me! Why the only way is for you to attack my heart by destroying my arms and heads! And you'll never figure that out!

Luigi: Really?  
Cackletta's Spirit: Why yes!

Luigi: Mario, destroy the hands!

Mario: Okeydokey!

Cackletta's Spirit: What! How did you guess?

Mario struck at the left hand, but missed and hit Luigi, propelling him into the right.

Luigi: OW!

Cackletta's Spirit: Now I have you!  
She grabbed him tight.

Luigi: Ack!  
Cackletta's Spirit: Now for my ultimate attack!

She slammed him into her head, destroying the hand that was holding him, knocking off her head and causing it to fall on her other hand, destroying that one.

Cackletta's Spirit: On second thought, maybe this was a bad idea.

The heart on her body expanded and started pumping. Her arms came back.

Cackletta's Spirit: Now it shall give me back my head…

The heart pumped furiously but since the head was on the ground, and not destroyed there was no way to bring it back.

Cackletta's Spirit: Uh…hands? Put my head on!  
The hands groped blindly for the head.

Cackletta's Spirit: I'm over here! Stupid! You know where I am!

One of the hands grabbed Mario and tried to put him where the head goes. He fell down and landed on the heart.

Cackletta's Spirit: OW! Don't do that! Fawful's Ghost! Come here!

A pale incarnation of Fawful appears.

Fawful's Ghost: Eeyah ha ha! I have come back with speediness!

Cackletta's Spirit: Excellent! Destroy the Mario Bros.!

Fawful's Ghost: Yes mistress…only how? I'm insubstantial!

Cackletta's Spirit: Uhh…just float around and laugh.

Fawful's Ghost: Okay! Eeyah ha ha! Eeyah ha ha! Eeyah ha ha!  
Luigi: Shut up!

Fawful's Ghost: Never! Eeyah ha ha! Eeyah ha ha!  
Luigi: I'll give you a sandwich!  
Fawful's Ghost: Really? No I don't believe you! Mistress is the only one who makes sandwiches!  
Luigi: She made this one! It's inside the big red thing! She doesn't want you to have it!

Fawful's Ghost: MINE!

Cackletta's Spirit: NOOOOOO!

Fawful's Ghost dived for her heart and dissipated on contact.

Luigi: Wha?

Cackletta's Spirit: Eeyah ha ha! Remember? He can't hurt anyone!

Luigi: Crud.

Mario: Whee!  
Cackletta's Spirit: No! Don't do that!

Mario picks up the head and walks over to the heart.

Cackletta's Spirit: Hands! Attack!

The hands wave wildly around and then start attacking the heart because it is sticking up and therefore must be bad.

Cackletta's Spirit: NOO! Stupid appendages! AAAAAAHHHHHH!

Mario throws the head at the heart. The body then pulsates.

Cackletta's Spirit: I have been…defeated!

She then explodes! The Mario Bros. are thrown out of Bowletta!

Bowletta: Ack! How did you? Now I am dead…sort of! I SHALL RETURN!

Her spirit (amazingly intact after the explosion) then flies out of the body. It then transforms back into Bowser!

Bowser: Uhh…what am I doing here?

Luigi: It's a long story.  
Bowser: Wait…you guys didn't beat me up did you?

Luigi: Sort of…

Bowser: We gotta get of here! The Castle is going to explode!

Luigi: WHAT! Why!

Bowser: It's rigged to explode every time I get beaten in the hopes that I'll get you guys with it!

Luigi: How much time do we have?  
Bowser: Well don't worry; it takes about ten minutes which is why you always escape.

Luigi: That's good.

Bowser: However it WILL explode right away if I say: Super duper explosive-rama thing!

Luigi: YOU IDIOT! WHY DID YOU SAY THAT!

Bowser: Whoops.

The castle explodes. They all land in front of the castle. Princess Peach, Lady Lima, Toadstool and Queen Bean all come out.

Princess Peach: Quick! Before they regain consciousness bring them to the airport and wrap Bowser in a present…I want to give him to Mario for his birthday! Queen Bean can send it by mail!

Toadsworth: Whatever you say!  
Lady Lima: Just as my darling Toadsworth said!

They look at each other with love in their eyes.

Queen Bean: Ho ho ho! And just yesterday you guys were killing each other! What happened?  
Toadsworth: She opened my present.

Lady Lima: It was a certificate saying I am a Queen's Person Thing! Now it's legal that I work for you!  
Queen Bean: Ho ho huh? What?

At the airport…

The Mario Bros. regain consciousness.

Luigi: Where are we?

Princess Peach: At the airport! We're entering my PINK airplane!

Luigi: What?

Princess Peach: We're leaving for the Mushroom Kingdom. Well you are. I'm going to kick you out of the plane than Toadsworth and I shall head to some kind of Rogueport place. I hear they make lipstick!

Luigi: KICK us out?

Princess Peach: Yes, in midair. With no parachute. I can't afford them.

Luigi: But you're a princess!

Princess Peach: Mario! Get him!  
Mario grabs Luigi and carries him inside. Princess Peach follows.

Toadsworth: Lady Lima I leave now a changed man, err…Toad, and I wanted to thank you for it.

Lady Lima: You will never forget me will you?

Toadsworth: Of course not! At least not until we take off. Then I will lose any memory of you because of something shiny I see!  
Lady Lima: Oh you're so sweet!

The Toadsworth entered the plane and they took off.

Luigi: What do you mean there is no pilot!

The End!


End file.
